The Impending Derpscrum And More

« October 2015  

Memo to Kevin McCarthy, yahoos, and assorted fuckfaces: YOU ARE DUMB.

It's been a very hectic week for me in terms of my non-YAD nerd pursuits, and while I did sneak a fifth column in this week to make up for skipping Friday last week, I do need to get right into it. So SPASTIC TOPIC MONKEY FRIDAY will be covering even more ground even faster than usual.

Right off the bat, we need to talk about Kevin McCarthy's sudden withdrawal from the race to be the House's new Boehner. He dropped out so fast I didn't get to mock him for the thing most people are blaming for his early withdrawal - his bumblefuck admission on Fox News that the Benghazi scandal-mongering is about hurting Hillary Clinton's run for President. Which everyone with half a brain already knew anyway, but once he admitted it, people could get away with treating it as a real thing, because our politics and journalism is all weird and fucked up and stuff.

But the whole thing strikes me as odd. We don't live in a world where momentary fuckuppery, or even consistent incompetence, or criminal indictment for that matter, is a barrier to success in politics. The level of self-awareness required for Kevin McCarthy's decision to be driven by what everyone's saying it was driven by would require a level of self-awareness in Kevin McCarthy that is not supported by the available evidence. But since 'sex worker's corpse" doesn't appear in any of the stories about him today, I guess we'll have to take it at face value and just enjoy the derpscrum that will inevitably result.

Armed anti-Muslim protesters, organized by the usual assholes, will be protesting mosques in 20 cities this week. And while the most likely outcome is one guy with a camo hat and an AR-15 desperately looking around the nearest Starbucks for another guy in a camo hat with an AR-15 so that he knows he's in the right place for the protest, if this idea were any more laden with white privilege it'd be on Gwyneth Paltro's web site.

Because let's face it, all these fuckers are white and Christian. And if a bunch of brown Muslims decided to show up at churches one Sunday, freely exercising their Second Amendment and open carry and concealed carry rights under the law, they would not be treated anywhere nearly as kindy by the public, by law enforcement, and by the media as the yahoos. Which is what empowers yahoos. And gradually pushes our society closer and closer to Yahoo Rule.

And finally, a quick parade of fuckfaces I neither have time to, nor need to, go into any detail about.

John Ellis Bush! Bush, for responding to a mass shooting by saying "stuff happens", is a total fuckface.

Rupert Murdoch, for saying Ben Carson would be a "real black president", is a fuckface, but I want to stress very strongly that "fuckface" is an epithet, not a suggestion, because nobody wants to see the Venn diagram of Rupert Murdoch's face and fucking.

Anyone who bombs a hospital, accidentally or otherwise, minimizes the bombing of a hospital, defends the bombing of a hospital, covers up the bombing of a hospital, or obstructs or otherwise half-asses the investigation into the bombing of a hospital? Fuckfaces. The lot of 'em.

Most of Alabama. You know all three reasons why, fuckfaces.

And while I'm here, Fall Out Boy, because thanks to Rock Band 4, I just heard all of "Centuries" for the first time and not just the bits they play in young adult movie trailers, because what the fuck is the refrain from Tom's Diner even doing as a rallying cry around the chorus? It makes no goddamned sense, fuckfaces.

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