You Are Dumb, which is not a blog, posts new columns every weekday, except for most Tuesdays and the occasional fuckbotch. It is also a Twitter feed, @youaredumb, with content in a similar vein but much shorter. For a take on what a blog by me would be like, check out OLDNERD.
September 30th, 2015
Memo to the Unholy Trinity: THIS IS WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.
So today, the story broke that Pope Francis had a fifteen minute "secret" meeting with Kentucky hate-clerk Kim Davis. The story broke because, well, Davis' lawyers told everyone about the secret meeting. And she did that because she knew meeting with the Pope would boost her overall credibility in a country where generally speaking, public opinion was against her.
And thus we see the folly of liking a Pope. He may be humble. He may ride around in a Fiat. He may believe in being kind to the poor. But he's still the head of one of the largest patriarchal, anti-gay, anti-progress, and anti-sex religions on the planet. He can't be trusted just because he said a couple of things that sounded like stuff Al Gore used to say.
Needless to say, Mike huckabee, who has apparently decided he's Kim Davis' running mate in the 2016 election, jumped all over this ringing endorsement from the pontiff. ACTUAL QUOTE TIME!
"While the media elites were slobbering b/c @Pontifex commented on climate change, he held a quiet & powerful meeting w/ a humble KY clerk." - Huckabee, in the first part of what will eventually be one tweet once Twitter renounces the 140 character limit.
Humble? Cough cough Eye Of The Tiger cough. But Huckabee, as much as I hate to admit it, is sort of, in a half-assed hypocritical way, echoing a point I've made a few times now. The media shouldn't be slobbering over the Pope because he "commented on climate change", or, in real world terms, actually said we had a moral duty to do something about it, a moral duty Huckabee chooses to avoid on every possible level. The pope's authority on any subject doesn't mean shit, because like every other authority, he's only valuable when you agree with him. As Huckabee goes on to aptly prove.
"@Pontifex recognized something the DC/Wall Street chattering class will never understand - #KimDavis followed her conscience & convictions." - Huckabee, in the second of four tweets. The third was a restating of the first, and the fourth we'll get to in a second.
Everyone recognized that, fuckface. But unlike you and Francis, we don't think that's enough. We need to approve of both what the convictions are, and how she went about following them. And so does Huckabee, when it comes to religions other than his own. As does Francis, I suspect, although, unlike Huckabee, I couldn't point to a specific tape that would demonstrate it quickly and easily.
But it is clear that the Pope, and the Pope's people, approve of both Davis' specific religious conviction (that gays are gross and shouldn't get married) and how she chose to follow it (defying court orders and denying marraige licenses to the public). Fifteen minute meetings with the Pope during his multi-day trip to the United States don't just fucking happen. THey knew what message the meeting would send when it got out, and they knew it would get out.
I'm sure it was only "secret" until the Pope got out of the United States, to keep any controversy from sullying the coverage of his trip. This was no accident, is my point, The Catholic Church has many, many flaws, but slipshod organization is not one of them.
So the Pope's a dick, which should come as no surprise to anyone. And Huckabee's an idiot, again, no surprise. But in his fourth tweet, Huckabee continued his apparent 2015 New Year's resolution to explore new frontiers in his quest to become the ultimate hypocritical ignoramus with a minor in sociopathy:
"It may just be @Pontifex's visit that pushes out of touch political class in DC to reject judicial tyranny & stand for #ReligiousLiberty."
Yeah. When the Pope speaks out on something, it totally pushes out of touch politicians to agree with him. That's how things work, after all! Politicians hear what the Pope says on an issue and take it to heart, reconsidering their previous position in light of his new endorsement! Just like you didn't do three fucking tweets ago.
I've said it before, but it's still true. If you think your God will be pleased by ruining someone else's day, then your particular subset of religion can go fuck right off. Pointy hat or no pointy hat.