Archive - Oct 2007

Scary Enough

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I know I said I was sick of politics, but there are some things so transcendentally stupid that I am drawn to them like an environmentalist moth to a compact fluorescent bulb. Plus, The Purple failed me utterly yesterday.

Sure, I suppose I could have dredged something out of it, even though half of the goddamned thing is is an editorial infomercial for the new Eagles album - something no sane person wants or needs unless they're Glenn Frey's bank account. Beyond that, the only thing left was their November TV preview, and there's no way in hell you vultures are finding out how much network TV I actually watch.

But none of that matters, because Kyle Bristow has placed himself well in the running for the Stupidest Fucking Thing Anyone Has Said In 2007. Which as you all well know, is some seriously stiff competition. So who is Kyle Bristow? Well, in addition to having a name that sounds like the lead character in the gay porn version of Alias (which would, naturally, be called Aliass), Kyle Bristow is the president of the Michigan State chapter of the Young America's Foundation. Which is one of the various wingnut fratboy organizations out there.

Anyway, on the last day of Islamofascism Awareness Week, the Michigan State YAF brought in a speaker to talk about the evils of Islam. It may or may not have been an official IFAW event. It may just have been a coincidence. Anyway, the speaker they brought in was Nick Griffin. Nick Griffin is like the British version of David Duke, without the thin veneer over the white supremacy that Duke uses to keep himself fit for polite society. Oh, and if Duke were a Holocaust denier.

Some students got upset that YAF would bring a fucking racist Nazi on campus to speak about, well, anything, and protested the event, shouting Griffiths down. This prompted the nutjobs at Newsbusters to post an article titled "The Left Isn't The 'Free Speech Movement' Any More", which is only true for psychotically loose definitions of "The Left", "Free Speech", "Movement", and probably "More". Another right-wing blog, the infamously nutso Little Green Footballs, had a brief moment of partial lucidity and suggested that maybe FUCKING NAZIS were not the best spokespeople for the otherwise completely racism-free fight against Islamocaliphateragilisticexpialofascism.

And that's when Kyle Bristow kicked it into high. ACTUAL QUOTE TIME!

"The Little Green Footballs blog decided to condemn MSU-YAF for hosting Nick Griffin. In case you do not read Little Green Footballs, the blog is pro-Muslim, left-wing, politically correct, and basically a front for neoconservative foreign policy (instead of defending their culture, they want to build schools in the Anbar province). They are basically a puppet of the multiculturalists and believe that Islam is not the enemy of Western civilization and Christendom. Only Bush-bots read the Little Green Footballs blog. Instead of writing about threats to Western civilization, the LGF blog has recently attacked organizations who are fighting the culture war by doing more than just posting stuff on a blog that only like-minded people read. Many of the comments on the LGF blog are critical of Pat Buchanan, Ron Paul, and paleoconservatism. If you are not a big government, globalist, middle-class-hating, promoter of economic treason, then LGF doesn’t like you. LGF and Al Qaeda both have something in common: they hate Western civilization and those who stand up for it."

The key phrase here is "In case you don't read Little Green Footballs". Because if you've read Little Green Footballs, glanced at it in passing, or even been warned about Little Green Footballs by a caring friend or co-worker, you'd know that Kyle Bristow has said something which is as far from true as something can be and still be expressed in human language.

I mean, within two sentences, he's accused LGF of being a left-wing front for neoconservative policy. Which is patently false. The closest such a thing could come to even EXISTING would be Joe Lieberman's Senate office, and LGF isn't run from there. The closest anyone on LGF comes to being pro-Muslim is thinking that they should be killed by PROFESSIONALS instead of the rank amateurs (in every sense of both words) of the people who post there.

Of course LGF has been critical of Pat Buchanan. Buchanan occasionally says things that sound, upon first listening, to make some kind of sense. When that happens, people on the right slam him, and people on the left question their own sanity. It's the natural order of things. The circle of Pat.

Also, for the record, I don't know what "economic treason" might consist of, and I don't ever want to find out. I'm going to sit back here and quietly pretend the rabbit hole doesn't go that deep, thank you.

The entity Bristow describes in his tirade simply cannot exist. There are too many contradictions. And even if it did exist, maybe as a puzzle in the right-wing version of the old Hitchhiker's Guide text adventure or something, then there's no way in hell it could apply to Little Green Fucking Footballs, whose top two left-wing pro-Muslim stories right now are a note about the Democratic debate, complete with stupid joke about Dennis Kucinich, and one titled "Video: Saudi Hate Literature in British Mosques".

So congratulations, Kyle. You've set the mark to beat, with only two months left in the year.