Archive - Jun 19, 2007

Celebrate Good Times Come On

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Memo to George Wilson: HELL, WHY NOT?

I admit, when I first heard about the idea for three days of Paul Hill memorial events in Milwaukee the last weekend of June, I thought it was an awful idea. But that was just my typical knee-jerk, bleeding-heart liberal bullshit kicking. Why can't we have Paul Hill Days?

I mean, here in Minnesota, they have Jesse James days, and there's not THAT big a difference between Paul Hill and Jesse James. If we're gonna have a rootin' tootin' hootin' hollerin' period festival celebrating a criminal who shot and murdered folks in the Old West, why can't we have something similar for a guy who murdered an abortion doctor and his escort in Florida during the mid-90's, right?

They're both cold-blooded killers. I don't see why celebrating one is OK and celebrating the other is wrong. I mean, sure, we haven't really romanticized the 1990s Midwest the way we have the 1880s Old West. And there haven't been decades of movies about rabid right-wing Christians, riding the asphalt range, six-shooter at their side, defending small villages of embryos from doctors in black hats. But that's just Hollywood leftist prejudice.

And OK, when I put a BIT more thought into it, even in the excessively mythologized Old West, most of the people dressing up and pretending to rob stagecoaches are in fact only in favor of pretending to rob stagecoaches. They're not looking to Jesse James as an example. They would probably be upset if someone actually grabbed a six-shooter and a horse and started chasing down armored cars.

Which is a bit different than how George Wilson, of the innocuously yet still creepily-named organization "Children Need Heroes", sees the executed criminal whose days he is organizing. ACTUAL QUOTE TIME!

"On July 29th, 1994, Paul Hill boldly defended 31 babies from unspeakable violence by killing a paid assassin and his bodyguard. He was arrested, given a sham trial, and executed as a martyr. On the 13th anniversary of Paul Hill’s act of love and mercy, memorial events will be held in Milwaukee, Wisconsin to honor him as God’s man and our hero."

Um, yippie ki yay? Shit. This is awkward. Especially when you consider that my admittedly limited research doesn't turn up instances of Paul Hill wearing a hat of any pre-defined volume. I mean, calling shooting two people to death "an act of mercy"? That's not very nice. I mean, unless the two people are Hitler circa the late 20's and, say, Sherwood Schwartz right around 1960. And even then I don't think you should get a whole weekend of events.

I'm starting to suspect that perhaps this event is less a fun, family-centered celebration of the life of a legendary outlaw, and more a bunch of complete fucking psycho Jesus-freaks coming together (in, I might add, a city and a state that has no connection whatsoever to the event they're commemorating) in freakish worship of a cold-blooded blastula-humper who was deservedly put down like a rabid dog four years ago.

So, upon further consideration, I'm afraid I can't support Paul Hill Days at all, and I must amend my opening statement. Memo to George Wilson: YOU ARE DUMB, YOU FUCKING PSYCHO.

Oh, and the commemoration appears to include something called "Reenactment of 7-29-1994". I can only recommend that if you're going to be in Milwaukee that weekend, do not walk around wearing anything that might look like a lab coat. Better safe than sorry.