Archive - Mar 2008

March 27th

The Enemy Of My Momentary Distaste Is Still My Enemy

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Memo to a huge pile of Democrats: YOU ARE DUMB.

Now, I'm hoping you're just caught up in the moment. A pollster calls you, you've been having a bad day, you're not thinking, and you say something you'll regret. I'm hoping that's what happened. But on the off chance that's NOT what's happening, then, well, we need to talk.

You see, there's this new Gallup poll out. And in this Gallup poll, 19% of Obama supporters said they'd vote for John McCain if Hillary Clinton gets the nomination. And 28% of Hillary Clinton supporters said they'd vote for John McCain if Barack Obama gets the nomination. Gallup could have saved us all a lot of time and just told us that about 24% of Democrats are FUCKING INSANE.

I get wanting Hillary to be president. Really, I do. And I get wanting Obama to be president. But I do not get any Democrat with half a dozen functioning synapses wanting John McCain to be President. And these are people who say they'll actively VOTE for McCain, not just stay home and help McCain by inaction. Again, all I can conclude is that these people are FUCKING INSANE.

You people seem to be under the impression that you're voting for a person in the 2008 presidential election. And you're not. Hillary Clinton is not a person. Barack Obama is not a person. John McCain is not a person. There's a total of ONE issue in the 2008 election, and that is this. For at least the past eight years, the Republican party has been ripping us off and fucking us over, leaving the country in such a mess you have to go back 80 years to find a mess to compare it to. That's it. That's the issue.

And we, as members of a representative democracy, are duty-bound to at least make it seem like we fucking notice this fact, and, the next time we get to vote, to not reward one of the sons of bitches who helped put us here. No matter how much we like the cut of his jib, or his barbecue ribs, or the man-crush Chris Matthews has on him.

If we elect Hillary Clinton for President, yes, we will be rewarding bad behavior. I don't like the campaign she's been running, either. It would be nice if the Democratic Party didn't get the idea that pulling the shit Hillary's been pulling is the best way to get into the White House. Or any other political office. But that doesn't matter.

And if we elect Barack Obama for President, then yes, we will be rewarding bad behavior. Not "praising John McCain" bad, or "lying about Bosnia" bad, but Obama has not actually run a spotless campaign in which taking the high road, doing what's right, and supporting progressive causes unwaveringly have been the guiding principles. Remember the crazy ex-gay gospel singer he cozied up to? And telling everyone we had to do something about Social Security? Me too. But it doesn't matter.

These aren't people. They're not even candidates. They're repositories for points in a game called RANK PARTISANSHIP. Which, no matter how many platitudes you may hear, we are not "beyond", we should not be "beyond", and we cannot be "beyond". If, as the decriers of partisanship proclaim, there are good ideas on both sides of the aisle, then we need at least eight years of good ideas from OUR side of the aisle just to correct all the good ideas from the GOP side that have left us in such awesome shape now.

I hate Joe Lieberman. But if I'd lived in Connecticut in '06, and it was just a choice between Lieberman and a Republican? I'd have voted for Lieberman. And I'd have showered for the fortnight necessary to feel clean again. And why would I do that? Because for fifteen minutes, at the start of the congressional session, Joe Lieberman was a point in the right column. And the Democrats got control of the Senate. And while they've done fuck-all with it since then, it would have been much, much worse had that point landed on the other side.

People say they want to vote for something, not against something. Well, tough shit. Sometimes, voting against something IS voting for something. All the polls say over 70% of the population thinks the country is in the wrong direction, yet all these crazy fucking Democrats are really going to pout and let the country keep moving in the wrong direction out of spite? Please.

We need to send a message that the country has woken the fuck up and is finally getting around to rejecting the fools we put in power eight years ago. And that means it's not good enough to just win. This is a rare situation in which every vote counts, because come November, the margin of victory will set the tone for December and January and the whole media narrative through 2010. You're not voting for Obama. You're not voting for Clinton. You're voting to put the goddamn brakes on our mad descent into crazy. You're voting to say that you're sick of stupid wars, deregulated shadow banks taking all our money, robber barons, faith-based science, and a broken health-care system. And you can't do that by voting for McCain. It's impossible.

So get over it, all of you. Hold your nose if you have to. Have the aneurysm if you must. But for fuck's sake, pull the right lever. Because if you fuck this up for us in November, if you give in to the personalities and the myths and the spin and the fervor and forget what's actually at stake here? You're going to regret it within two weeks of Inauguration Day. I fucking guarantee it.