Archive - Jan 19, 2009


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Memo to racists: THIS ONE'S FOR YOU.

It's Martin Luther King Jr. Day, which means it's time for You Are Dumb Dot Net's traditional look at the current state of the art in racism, xenophobia, and general stupidity based around cosmetic physiological difference. We accomplish this task by typing "racist" and "racism" into Google News and seeing what pops up.

And the first thing that pops up is England's Prince Harry, who got the country's collective emotional tea water up to a hard boil after a video surfaced of Harry, in the military, referring to one captain as "our little Paki friend" and another man as looking like "a raghead". Oops.

I'm sure all of England is wishing right now that Harry took after his father more. When Prince Charles made us all uncomfortable with poorly-chosen words revealed at a private moment, at least it was just icky sexual discomfort (we all remember the "tampon" incident, right? Not just me? Because the joke kind of depends on it.) The big question with Harry is, what kind of racism was this? Because there are two options.

There's the casual racism of a white, uppest-class prince who spends almost all his time around other white uppest-class royalty. This is the obvious go-to explanation, but you'd think there'd be a LOT more embarrassing incidents like this happening if he'd spent his life growing up around, and absorbing, that kind of casual xenophobia. No, I think the much more likely culprit is the Great War On Terror, which Harry has been participating in. The more understandable, if perhaps not more excusable, dehumanizing of the "enemy" that comes from war, especially a war based from the start in dehumanization and racism. Harry just got in trouble for it because he's famous, which he can't help, and he taped it, which is just fucking stupid.

Meanwhile, in Springfield, MA, classic old-school racism got a boost when arsonists protesting the election of Barack Obama torched a black church the day after the election. I swear, if it weren't for the $2 million in damages and the two injured firefighters, I'd assume they'd done it ironically. I mean, seriously, black church arson? What ancient Klan handbook did they find that tactic in? Racist, unoriginal, oh, and by the way, arrested.

The alleged morons, Benjamin Haskell, Michael F. Jacques Jr., and Thomas Gleason Jr., were apparently arrested because they returned to the site, laughed, and bragged about setting the fire to a police informant. I suppose this is encouraging, in an ass-backwards kind of way. Sure, progress against racism has been slow and painful, but imagine how much tougher the struggle would be if racists weren't such stupid fucking shitkickers. Optimism through pessimism!

And speaking of stupid fucking shitkickers, we close with the greatest MLK/inaugural headline ever on the Fox News website, publishing a Newsbusters article from known fucktard Noel Sheppard entitled, and you're gonna love this, "Will Obama End Racism Among Democrats?". And it opens with this astonishing plea for false equivalency. ACTUAL QUOTE TIME!

"As America prepares for the inauguration of its first black President, an inconvenient truth dogs the country: Democrats are treated far differently than their Republican counterparts when race is involved."

Yes, yes they are. And you know why? Because it doesn't matter whether or not you blame Harry Reid's actions surrounding the Illinois senate seat on racism (as Sheppard does), claim Trent Lott's pro-segregation comments were "innocent" (as Sheppard does), support Bobby Rush's blatant playing of the race card (as Sheppard does) or bitterly suggest that John McCain lost the election because anything anyone said against Obama or Jeremiah Wright was branded as racism (as, yes, Sheppard does). Doesn't matter.

Because there is one party pigfucker politicians defected to when they wouldn't support civil rights. There is one party that actively supports the Confederate flag. There is one party that has had, for decades, an official policy with its own name for courting the votes of racists. And there's one party for which sending out CDs of "Barack The Magic Negro" does not automatically disqualify you from chairmanship. So if Republicans feel bad about being treated differently for shit they've done, then they should have thought differently about spending decades treating people differently for what they are. Since they didn't, Noel Sheppard can suck it.