Archive - Apr 16, 2009

The Best Of The Worst Of The Jibba Jabba (Waved)

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"The jibba-jabba stops here!" - Mr. T

Well, that was glorious, wasn't it? Say what you will about yesterday's protests, but one thing remains unassailably true. A bunch of fucking morons waved a bunch of very, very stupid signs. Here are a collection of some of my favorites, both from yesterday's protests and from an earlier Tea Party last weekend in California.

This really says it all. Clearly, the U.S. is becoming such a third world nation that we can't afford enough cardboard to make a sign saying the U.S. is a third world nation. Bonus points for trying to salvage "Nation" by writing the rest of the letters smaller, then realizing after the "A" and the "T" that more drastic cuts in point size were required to balance the cardboard budget.
You don't fire Congress by honking. You fire Congress by voting. We all "honked" five months ago, fired a bunch of members of Congress, and this is the result. I'm sorry you're not happy with it, but all the angry honkies in the world won't get to change that until 2010.
YOU HAVE REPRESENTATION, ASSHOLES. The Boston Tea Party was about paying taxes without even a chance at a say in how, and to what extent, they were enacted. Your tea parties are about paying taxes when you blew your chance at a say in how, and when, and to what extent they were enacted, because you threw all your support behind a senile old man and a bimbo. Not liking your representation is not the same as not having any.
I've got to give this guy some credit. Either by accident, due to his laser-like focus on Congress, or by design, this guy has actually managed to avoid raising the image of lynching the black president. So ten out of ten for racial sensitivity, but subtract several million for violent, eliminationist rhetoric. Whoops.
I'm not going to get into the comparison with Hitler. That's old news. All over the Tea Parties, all day today. What I will take issue with, however, is the capitalization. What the fuck? OBama? HiTler? Unlike the last guy, there's plenty of room on the sign, although it looks like somewhere there's a road crew missing a warning flag. Pick a case and stick with it. Our founding fathers didn't fight and die for your awful penmanship, fuckload.
OK, why didn't someone send this guy the "it's not about race" memo? "Kenyan"? An outdated In Living Color reference? Wait a second... is this David Duke? Nah, probably just a coincidence.
I don't know what's more disheartening. That these people are out there bitching about the taxes that haven't gone up, or that they're doing such a half-assed job at it. Come on! Your protests are being funded by some of the wealthiest right-wing think tanks in the country! Your sign doesn't have to look like a ransom note mailed on part of a refrigerator box. Call up FreedomWatch and have them send you one of their slickly produced, correctly-spelled placards!
And I'll finish with a twofer - these signs were ten feet away from each other, and a trillion miles from reality. Contrary to what the Army recruitment ads tell you, America's fresh-faced youth aren't willing to shoot foreigners for free plus "leadership experience". It's not a fucking internship. And even if they were, the Army doesn't actually operate on a Bring Your Own Bullets basis. Hope you enjoyed your day in fantasy land, dipshits, because, because the real world's back today.