Archive - Apr 22, 2009

Moral High Ground

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Memo to the Torture-Lovers: YOU ARE DUMB.

Well, with the release of the CIA torture memos last week, that thing we all knew has advanced to the level of incontrovertible truth. The United States tortured. Not just tortured, but tortured a lot. We tortured the shit out of people. We waterboarded one guy a hundred and eighty three times in a single month. Another guy 87 times. That's a shitload of torture. That's not a ticking time bomb scenario. That's a whole month. We're talking calendars, not clocks. We waterboarded so much I can only assume they got a free small bowl from Coldstone Creamery for every ten waterboardings. Or they just really, really enjoyed torturing dudes.

You know how much they enjoyed torturing dudes? They actually came up with "walling". Walling is slamming someone's head into a fucking wall. Only what they did is, they made a special flexible wall to slam their heads into, and a collar for their neck so that they wouldn't get whiplash when their head slammed into the wall. How the fuck much do you have to enjoy slamming people's heads into walls to come up with specialized equipment so that you can do it over and over again? Sweet merciful fuck.

This is it, you know. This is the moment that the last two years have been leading up to. From the moment the Abu Ghraib photos came out, the bastards have been talking down torture. Or should I say, talking UP torture. Gradually increasing the temperature of the water our moral outrage is swimming in, in the hopes we won't notice once it's at a full boil. And it's working. The apologists have crawled out of the woodwork, explaining to us why it's fine that we waterboarded two people over two hundred and fifty times in a single month, that we needn't worry our pretty little heads about the law and our national fucking conscience. And that's why they're going in a special, extended torture edition of COMPLETELY MORALLY BANKRUPT FUCKHOLES SAY THE THINGS THAT WOULD, WERE HELL TO EXIST, MOST DEFINITELY MAKE THEM DAMNED.

"Well, I take a minority position on this. Most people think it's definitely torture. The truth is, it has mostly a psychological impact on people. It's a terrible thing to do. I have said in the past, and I'll say it again to you, that I want the president of the United States in a given circumstance where we believe somebody we've got in our control may have information that could help us stop an attack, an imminent attack on the United States like 9/11 or, god forbid, worse, we ought to be able to use something like waterboarding. But, generally speaking, it ought to not be on the table... Why do I think it was a mistake to give it out? I wasn't necessary. It just helps our enemies. It doesn't really help us." - Joe Lieberman, ratfuck bastard.

A hundred and eighty three times in a month is not preventing an imminent attack. A hundred an eighty three times in a month is not "generally off the table". Fuck you, you torture-loving son of a bitch. If it helps our enemies, it's been helping our enemies for years, because they knew we were doing it. And by "doesn't help us", what you mean is it doesn't help us torture people in the future. And you know what? It shouldn't help us. We don't deserve to be -helped- by our obscenity remaining a secret. It didn't help Jeffrey Dahmer to be locked away in a cell for the rest of his life, but it sure helped the rest of us.

"In other words, the terrorists are called by their faith to resist as far as they can -- and once they have done so, they are free to tell everything they know. This is because of their belief that 'Islam will ultimately dominate the world and that this victory is inevitable.' The job of the interrogator is to safely help the terrorist do his duty to Allah, so he then feels liberated to speak freely. This is the secret to the program's success." - Marc Thiessen, former Bush speechwriter and unspeakably vile waste of fucking biomass.

Let me get this straight. We're only torturing them because they're Muslims? Did I get that right? With other religious fanatics, we can use different methods, but the tenets of the Muslim faith DEMAND that we waterboard them a hundred and eighty three times in a month, because then and only then will they feel that they've done right by Allah and can tell us when the next attack is? How do you write something like that, and send it to the Washington Post, without beating yourself to death with a stick the next time you catch sight of yourself in the mirror? How fucking broken are we?

"One of the things that I find a little bit disturbing about this recent disclosure is they put out the legal memos, the memos that the CIA got from the Office of Legal Counsel. But they didn't put out the memos that show the success of the effort and there are reports that show specifically what we gained as a result of this activity. They have not been declassified. I formally ask that they be declassified now. I did -- haven't announced this up 'til now, I haven't talked about. But I know specifically of reports that I read that I saw that lay out what we've learned through the interrogation process and what the consequences were for the country." - Dick Cheney, former vice president and... well, even with all the invective at my command, nothing I could call him would be worse than "Dick Cheney".

Three things. First, do it. Go ahead, do it. Second, fuck you, you can't be trusted anyway. And third, you really expect me to believe that if the Bush administration had actually thwarted a real live terror attempt, they wouldn't have been bragging about it at every opportunity? Please. They bragged about three crazy guys in a warehouse in Miami. They bragged about "terror cells" all over the country that the arrested, and then couldn't prove were actually terrorists.

I know the game Cheney's playing. It's the last bit of cover, the last bit of plausible deniability. They release a few memos that say vague unspecified things that point toward torture "keeping America safe", and all the wobblers, the people like John McCain who were OK with a little bit of torture in the general, but appalled by it in the hundred and eighty three instances of the specific, can look at this "evidence" that it did some good and sleep at night knowing that yes, these ends really justify those hundreds and hundreds of means. It'll assuage any tinges of potential guilt in those few officials and pundits out there with a barely functioning shame gland. But fuck it. They'll find a way to rationalize it anyway.

So whip it out, Dick. Let's see just how many buildings would have fallen down if we hadn't helped Khalid Sheikh Mohammed "do his duty to Allah", one nasally-administered gallon at a time. At least that way maybe we can figure out who else you should have waterboarded, so that they could have saved thousands of innocent American lives by giving you valuable intelligence like "don't call it a crusade", "don't disband the Iraqi army", and "don't put a bunch of Young Republican vat-clones in charge of the Provisional Authority".