Archive - Jul 8, 2009

Someone's Always Gotta Ruin It

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Memo to Sarah Palin, Peter King, and Jim DeMint: YOU ARE DUMB.

Isn't it always the way? An event happens. Maybe it's a joyous event, and maybe it's a solemn one. But the event happens, and then some fuckmonkey has to come along and ruin it. More often than not, the aforementioned fuckmonkey is an IDIOT, and they ruin the event by SAYING THE DAMNDEST THINGS!

I think on a national level, your department of law there in the White House would look at some of the things that we've been charged with and automatically throw them out." - Sarah Palin.

Case in point. I'm TRYING to enjoy Sarah Palin's resignation. I'm just sitting back, watching her abandon Alaska and descend into incoherent madness. I'd grabbed some chips and a soda and was treating it like a summer blockbuster matinee. But she KEEPS TALKING. And saying shit like this that reminds me that this woman was a major-party candidate for Vice President of the United States.

This is what happens when you spend too much time hanging around with Dick Cheney. You think there's a special part of the government that exists to make all your alleged misdeeds vanish into a black hole. But that's not actually true. That was just how he rolled. There's no Department of Law in the White House or anywhere else. Which really is the kind of thing someone who wanted to be the fucking Vice President ought to know. Sweet merciful fuck, if she were any more stupid, she'd need an aide to help her tie her fishing waders.

"I think I hit a raw nerve." - Rep. Peter King of New York, the second dumbest King in Congress. But not by much.

King was commenting on the response to his YouTube video, released over the weekend, that called Michael Jackson a "low-life", a "pervert", a "child molester", and a "pedophile". The last two of which are redundant. And they both overlap heavily with the second. And really, once you have those three, I think the "low-life" can be treated as assumed.

King shows remarkable political maverickyness, I'll give him that much. To come out right before the big memorial service, when public sentiment toward Jackson is at the single highest point it's reached in fifteen years, and slag him off on YouTube? That's a hell of a strategy, that is. Not that Jackson wasn't fucked up. He was. But he wasn't Nixon, or the Pope, or Reagan. He actually did some good along with his evil. when Henry Kissinger dies, we'll be justified in shitting on his grave, because, well, Henry Kissinger didn't record "Smooth Criminal".

"On what basis does the Administration demand Zelaya's reinstatement? His removal from office was no more a coup than was Gerald Ford's ascendance to the Oval Office, or our newest colleague Al Franken's election to the Senate." - Senator Jim DeMint, the single dumbest DeMint in Congress.

I couldn't be happier that Al Franken is in the Senate. First, because Al Franken is in the Senate, and second, because Norm Coleman isn't in the Senate. Plus, despite what Harry Reid inexplicably thinks, 60 Democrats is very important, or at least it is with anyone with the political will and the balls to take advantage of it. And then DeMint has to come along and say stupid shit.

If you haven't been following the Honduran thing, it's fascinating. American conservatives are publicly supporting a right-wing military coup in a Central American country. I remember a simpler time, when conservatives privately and secretly supported right-wing military coups in Central America. Somehow, Jim DeMint thinks he can equate a resignation and an election loss with being chased into a neighboring country by your own military. It's like he was possessed by the collective retarded id of America circa 1985. Thanks, asshole.