Archive - Jul 2009

July 23rd

The Good Kind Of Frankendog

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Memo to right-wing Strib commenters: LISTEN TO YOURSELVES.

As much as I love being right, I also hate being right. But after five-and-a-half years on this beat, there is no prediction so cynical, no extrapolation of human behavior so extreme, that I will be proven wrong by human beings suddenly deciding to exhibit basic decency. And so it was yesterday, as I saw,through the magic of Google Reader, a new story on the Star Tribune website about Al Franken's first bill. Which, by the way, is to have the government cover the cost of helper dogs for wounded veterans - dogs that cost $25,000 to train and place.

This bill is as safe a "first law" as anyone could possibly write. It helps veterans. It supports the troops. And it involves dogs. It's not a particularly liberal bill - the dogs aren't being trained to perform gay abortions with a cross made out of poop or anything. They're just trained to help the tens of thousands of wounded veterans newly created by our exciting Iraqi adventure to live slightly better lives.

And the instant I saw that this story existed, I knew exactly what I'd find when I clicked through to the Strib site. The single greatest example of tribal politics in the modern era. Could the fucking troglodytes who spend their entire days on the Strib site, banging out comments on their keyboards with the drool-covered meat-clubs they call hands, hate Al Franken so much that they would object to giving helper dogs to wounded veterans? Are you kidding? They barely paused to gulp a mouthful of air and Cheeto dust before diving right in. ACTUAL QUOTE TIME!

"Way to Go Al! Solving the worlds problems one dog at a time. Instead of a dog, how about giving them a tax break?" - "dutchdude03".

Three or four years ago, I might have thought this was self-parody. No, don't give a wounded veteran a $25,000 trained dog to help them, give them a tax break! How much would a wounded veteran have to be pulling down to even be paying $25,000 in taxes in a single year? The government already gave them a 25%, 50%, or 75% limb cut. I'm not sure a tax cut is foremost in their minds.

"Give guys and gals that are already stressed and depressed a dog that will die in 10 years. They are going to feel great about that? Hey Goofy Franken - how about doing something that makes a difference here in Mn? How's that 10% unemployment working out for you? What a disgrace to the state." - "gp13581

That's how far these fucktards have to stretch to portray helper dogs as a bad thing. "Well, if you give the dog to the vet, the vet will become attached to the dog, and the dog will die in a decade, and then the veteran will be sad!" I don't think anybody throwing around an argument that stupid should get to use the phrase "disgrace to the state" for any reason. Well, OK, one reason. A tattoo on their fucking foreheads, so we can spot them from a distance.

"It's fashionable for anti-war rage-aholics to feign concern for the troops(but never the war). This is just a way for him to pretend to care about the true patriots and spend my money doing it." - "thatsme"

Remember, folks! Sending troops into combat is caring about them, but taking care of them afterwards is just pretending. And wasting thatsme's money. I guess unless those dogs are biting Arabs, they're just more big-government spending. The deeply fucked up people in the world have now begun lobbying for a new term to describe people like "thatsme".

This, by the way, is one more reason bipartisanship is for suckers. Until and unless some sanity is restored to the body politic, tribal neanderthals like this will find a way to hate any idea coming from Franken, or Obama, or whoever their boogeyman is. Including, apparently, free puppies for wounded veterans.