Archive - Aug 19, 2009


Signal To Noise

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Crazy morons. Can't live with 'em, can't carry assault rifles around outside their houses making them uncomfortable while you adhere to the strict letter of the law and loudly proclaim that all you're doing is exercising your Second Amendment rights. All that's left to do is catalog their stupidity, which we do in the manner to which we have become accustomed. IDIOTS SAY THE DAMNDEST THINGS.

"We will forcefully resist people imposing their will on us through the strength of the majority with a vote... Just because you sic the government on people doesn't make it morally OK to steal money from people." - Libertarian whackjob "Chris", one of a number of people who have started walking around outside Obama town halls carrying AR-15's.

Yeah, dammit! This is America, not some third-world party where people impose their will on others through the strength of the majority of the vote! Next thing you know, we'll be siccing the government on people, taking their money, spending it on bombs, dropping the bombs on a country, and having the people of that country stick their fingers in purple ink to show that they've voted for someone who'll impose their will on everyone else! And that's why we need guns! To keep that kind of thing from happening!

Fucking libertarian whackjobs. It's like the guy I saw with a "Ron Paul Was Right" bumper sticker driving down a STATE HIGHWAY. Completely incapable of reconciling their mishmash belief system with the society in which they live and refuse to leave, and also seemingly incapable of caring. People like this shouldn't be driving a lawn mower, much less the debate about health care reform.

"If I felt that's what the Lord was calling me to do, I would do it. When I have sensed that the Lord is calling me to do something, I've said yes to it. But I will not seek a higher office if God is not calling me to do it. That's really my standard. If I am called to serve in that realm I would serve, but if I am not called, I wouldn't do it." - Michelle Bachmann, on whether she'd ever run for President.

"Don't let them Palinize me!... With Governor Palin taking a well-deserved step out of the spotlight, it appears that I may be absorbing even more of the liberals' scorn. And, I'd really appreciate your support so that I can defend myself against their attacks. Click here to make a donation!" = Michelle Bachmann, being called by God to invoke the name of Sarah Palin to raise money.

A two-fer from Batshit Bachmann, who managed to master both fake humility and fake victimhood in the course of a single week. If only she'd found an outlet for fake outrage, we could have awarded her the triple crown. It must be nice to have a theology that lets you transform your own personal desires into the commands of an all-knowing deity. Michelle Bachmann didn't want to run for Congress, God called her to. And she'd have served just one term, if God hadn't made clear she should go for re-election. Clearly, God was calling her to do Hardball and insist that lawmakers be investigated for their anti-American leanings, because God then called on the citizens of the 6th District to reward that behavior with their votes.

But don't feel too bad, Michelle. You're not being Palinized. If anything, Sarah Palin was Bachmanned. You earned your liberal scorn long before Alaska's incoherent baby factory appeared on the scene. It's not our fault she took her brand of down-home psychosis to the national stage before you had a chance to. That said, even though you used it as a shameful excuse to beg donors for money, I do appreciate your admission that you're "absorbing" liberal scorn. I'd assumed that, like all other forms of written and verbal information, it bounced off your thick skull like a marshmallow off a tank.

"We wanted to represent our city and the Christian community. I felt like the atheists, to come in and say there probably isn't a God, that's an attack against our faith. We wanted to be loud just as they were loud." - New Life Covenant Oakwood Church pastor John Hannah, on why his church put a bunch of ads on Chicago buses to counter a bunch of ads that atheists put on Chicago buses.

For the record, I don't actually have a problem with any organization paying for advertising on any venue that is willing to accept it. If the Jesoids want to abuse Copperplate Gothic to tell Chicago residents that "God is still God whether you believe it or not... just believe", that's fine by me. I mean yes, the message is stupid and won't convince anyone, but neither will the atheists' "In the beginning, Man created God".

Sure, the atheist's message is a bit pithier and makes better font choices, but it doesn't matter, because they're both public transit ads. And public transit ads exist for the sole purpose of giving you something to distract you from the omnipresent question of who, or what, smells like pee. In other words, a decidedly unripe situation for either a mystical or a rational revelation. About the only thing I can say about either of these ads is that they divert money that would have been spent on promise rings and Religulous DVDs to public transit coffers.

Where I take issue is with John Hannah, who is full of shit. The people of faith aren't countering atheist bus ads with Christian bus ads. They're countering atheist bus ads with their massive, tax-exempt church buildings, their multiple television networks devoted, if you'll pardon the term, to non-stop messages of faith, their complete stranglehold on elected officials, and centuries of cultural dominance... and a bus ad.

Hannah has the gall to use the word "loud". The atheists bought a megaphone and put it up to their mouths, while Hannah bought a megaphone and put it in front of a megachurch's $50,000 sound system. I've said this before, but never has it been this apropos: FUCK THAT NOISE.