Archive - Nov 6, 2012

Date

Your Election Day Rallying Cry Or Something

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Yesterday's was long. Today, I'm gonna keep it short.

This election is, like all elections, going to come down to who people vote for. This year's a bit different, because there are actually four candidates running. Real Romney, Real Obama, Fake Romney, and Fake Obama.

Real Obama, while by no means ideal or perfect, is a much better candidate than Real Romney, who, as we saw yesterday and forever, is a shithead.

Fake Romney, on the other hand, is a much better candidate than Fake Obama, who, as we all know, is an incompetent, unprepared evil mastermind who's engineering a socialist Muslim takeover of an America he hates so that he can turn it into a ghetto slum like Sweden and give reparations to black people so they can institute white slavery.

Fake Romney and Real Obama is a bit of a tossup, as is Real Romney and Fake Obama. I mean, if I'm gonna be enslaved, it might as well have some poetic justice to it, rather than being in thrall to a billionaire CEO.

We're 1-1 in presidential elections since I started You Are Dumb. Let's break the tie properly, shall we?

Stupid people are voting in droves for Fake Romney today. The only way to stop them is to vote in droves for Real Obama, be smart enough to know what day Election Day is, be patient enough to endure long lines at the polls, and be tenacious enough to cast your vote no matter how many Republicans lie about you being too poor, too black, or not having enough identification to cast your ballot.

Oh, and apparently, all this has to happen in motherfucking Ohio. Happy Election Day!