Archive - Nov 8, 2012

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Who You Didn't Vote For

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Memo to America: NOT BAD.

The cynicism will return tomorrow. Today, we celebrate the losers. Not the winners. Well, OK. Elizabeth Warren. But other than that, enh. No, this election turned out to be one thing - a referendum on shitheadery. And shitheadery lost big.

The United States Congress will now be considerably more war-criminal free. Allen West got it handed to him in a close race in Florida. Allen West is demanding a recount, since the difference was only a few thousand votes, and since Patrick Murphy is too nice a guy to, say, shoot a gun off near Allen West's head to get him to say what he wants to hear, the recount will presumably proceed.

But if, by some means, West prevails in a recount, all it will do is undo the biggest surprise of the election. It'll barely diminish it.

Todd "Legitimate Rape" Akin lost. Richard "God Intended Rape Babies" Mourdock lost. John "The Rape Thing" Koster lost. Roger "Some Girls Rape Easy" Rivard lost.

If that were all there were, that would have been enough. Reducing the employment rate of the Old Boys Forced Birth Club by four? I'll take that any day of the week. Shithole who tried to smear his opponent because she played World of Warcraft? Lost. George "Macaca" Allen, in a bid for redemption? Fucking lost.

And that's not all. Shits dropped like a parachuter with diarrhea last night. Joe Walsh and Tommy Thompson, two old white dudes whose entire campaigns revolved around shitting on their disabled-veteran and lesbian opponents, respectively. And they lost. Oh, how they lost.

Scott Brown was also frequently a dick to Elizabeth Warren, and she beat him and his fucking pickup truck by eight and a half points. Goddamn, that felt good.

Michele Bachmann didn't quite lose, but that's OK. I still need people to write about.

And then, of course, Minnesota. Home, sweet home. We had two Republican-fueled constitutional amendments on the ballot. One would have mandated Voter ID, the other would have re-outlawed gay marriage at the constitutional level. Both went down in flames. Four and a half to six points, if you count the blanks as "no" votes, which the state does.

And the Republican-led state legislature, swept into power in 2010 and who triggered a state shutdown due to classic obstructionist tactics? Well, the state legislature's in Democratic hands, now.

I know I'm overlooking something... what was it... OH YEAH. Mitt Romney lost, too. And all the billionaire shitheads who spent millions of dollars trying to keep him from losing? They lost. And all the fuckheads who tried to discredit Nate Silver, from Joe Scarborough to Dean Chambers? They lost. They lost to MATH.

Across the board, a lot of assholes lost their jobs, their money, and hopefully, some of their credibility yesterday, and that is always, ALWAYS a good thing.