Archive - Dec 2012

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The Dumbest, Most Obvious Motherfucker Of The Year

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Memo to Mitt Romney and Dean Chambers: CONGRATULATIONS AND INCREMENTALLY LESS OR MORE CONGRATULATIONS DEPENDING ON YOUR POINT OF VIEW, RESPECTIVELY.

It's Cliffmas Eve, but I've decided to forego the traditional, festive raising of the giant payroll deduction in Times Square and instead do something nobody else is doing this Cliffmas Eve - looking back on the past 365 days as if they formed some kind of arbitrary signifying factor. In other words, the Dumbest Motherfucker Of The Year.

It's hard to believe that it was an entire year ago that I awarded this honor to Herman Cain. How hard is it to believe? So hard to believe that, until I realized I'd done it, I was going to give Cain the honorable mention slot this year. His dumb was so memorable my brain had actually moved it forward in time. But he was out of the race before 2012 started.

So the honorable mention slot has to go to Dean Chambers, who made up in intensity what he lacked in staying power. Chambers, who you can read about in detail here and here, is the fake pollster who decided all the polls that said Romney was losing were wrong because they said Romney was losing, and so he fixed them to make them say Romney was winning and defended his math by calling Nate Silver, for all practical intents and purposes, a faggot.

But it is the man Dean Chambers was wrong about and Nate Silver was right about that takes the Dumbest Motherfucker of the Year award. How could he not? Because at You Are Dumb Dot Net, dumb doesn't just mean stupid. It also means venal, sociopathic, cruel, arrogant, and a variety of other crimes against common sense and the greater good. And that's Mitt Romney in a very spacious nutshell. A nutshell with its own car elevator.

I refer you here for the details, or at least a summary of the details compiled over the course of just over half the year. But really, do you have to look any farther than the 47% speech? You do not.

It was callous. It was arrogant. But most importantly, it was taped by someone with a newfangled cellphone. It shows that while technology has not allowed us to narrow the gap between the rich and the poor, it has at least allowed the young working class to more effectively spy on rich old people when they think nobody's looking except the invisible servitor class. And that's gotta count for something, right?

My other favorite Mitt Romney moment is when he was campaigning in Pennsylvania in April, and was given some cookies from a renowned local bakery, and he mocked the cookies and asked them if they came from 7-11. Because he thought that would be funny and charming. Because he's a stupid dick, and we're all glad he's not the President, he's just a dumb motherfucker.