Archive - 2012

December 18th

The Shithead Parade Is Always On Schedule

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Memo to shitheads: DON'T EVER CHANGE.

And by "don't ever change", I mean, "don't ever try to change, because you might strain something and hurt yourself. And by "don't hurt yourself", I mean, "upon further thought, go ahead, hurt yourself".

Meat, left in the open too long, develops maggots. Tragedy, left in the open for mere minutes, also develops maggots. Sandy Hook is no exception. Keep in mind, as always, that these people's crime is not using a tragedy to promote a political agenda they think is connected - it's being so utterly, insipidly wrong about the connection.

Thank fuck a mass shooting happened right before Joe Lieberman retired so that he could blame violent video games for it ONE! LAST! TIME! Always remember that this is the man who thought a Sega CD game where Dana Plato got assaulted by vampires would lead to the downfall of society.

"The violence in the entertainment culture – particularly, with the extraordinary realism to video games, movies now, et cetera – does cause vulnerable young men to be more violent. Doesn’t make everybody more violent, but it’s a causative factor in some cases. We ought to ask the entertainment community, what are you going to do to tone that down."

Notice, by the way, the classic misdirection away from any number of studies that disprove a link between video games and real-world violence. Now it's the "extraordinary realism" causing "some vulnerable young men". There wasn't any extraordinary realism when Joystick Joe started his crusade, of course, but now, just trust him, he's totally right. Fun fact. Bullets are a causative factor in holes in people in some cases, too.

Mike Huckabee is still a shithead, by the way. He's in one of those awesome situations where he keeps saying the same thing over and over in different ways, and the media focuses on the game of whether he's "walking it back" or "doubling down" instead of focusing on the fact that he's being a Jesus-freaking shithead.

"We’ve escorted [God] right out of our culture and marched him off the public square. And then we express our surprise that a culture without him actually reflects what it has become.” - Huckabee, on his radio show.

Um, taking your God out of the public square does not, upon reflection, look like the brutal murder of schoolchildren. Jesus didn't make you that fucking special, Huckabee. The only miracle of your God, should he exist, is that you're a national political figure instead of a night assistant manager at a Chik-Fil-A where you belong.

And speaking of night assistant managers at Chik-Fil-A, let's see what the Tea Party Nation, which, in Earth-2, is the Chik-Fil-A Local 151, has to say about Sandy Hook.

"Support the creation of local organizations to act as 'neighborhood watch' for schools. Had George Zimmerman been at the front door instead of some mechanical card reader those children would still be alive. Perhaps it’s time we start asking for volunteers to protect our children. It will require security checks, but isn’t that worth it? This dovetails with the union problem; the unions will fight this measure tooth-and-nail."

This is insane for two reasons. One, the Sandy Hook shooter was white, so George Zimmerman would have ignored him. Second, you want to put a gun-toting George Zimmerman around a bunch of elementary school kids? ELEMENTARY SCHOOL KIDS LOVE SKITTLES. That's just a recipe for disaster.

We can argue about causes and the appropriate response to gun violence all we want, but as long as we're listening to Lieberman, Huckabee, the Tri-Corner Jazzy Patrol, and the rest, we're probably just better off seeing if we can make Trapper Keepers out of Kevlar.