Archive - Nov 2013

November 19th

Why Are People Upset?

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Memo to Lorenzo Garcia, Stephen Baldwin, and Tom Brower: YOU ARE DUMB.

Shocked! They are shocked! They simply cannot understand the reactions people have to their actions, because what could possibly be wrong with their actions? They're just good, honest, hard-working IDIOTS who SAY THE DAMNDEST THINGS!

"I have been shocked at the uproar over the event's premise and at the personal attacks against me... I have been called an 'Uncle Tom'. I have received emails and comments via social media filled with obscenities." - University of Texas Young Conservatives chairman Lorenzo Garcia, announcing the cancellation of his group's planned event.

That event? Well, members of the Young Conservatives of Texas would walk around campus wearing T-shirts labeled "Illegal Immigrant". Students who "caught" the "illegal immigrant" would win a $25 gift card.

It is exactly the kind of stunt a college conservative would love. It's not clever, but it's what stupid people think clever looks like when they're describing it to a police sketch artist. It's offensive, but not in a deep-seated hatred way. It's more of an attention-seeking stupid offensiveness, like forcing out a fart in an elevator.

Oh, and also, the instant you start whining about people swearing at you on the Internet, you lose. Fucking pussy.

"I just think that probably when somebody calls themselves born again and kind of goes out there in a pretty radically zealous way, professes their glee about that, it can creep people out. I have no regret about that, but I have chilled out a lot more because I’m a little more seasoned as a Christian believer." - Stephen Baldwin, explaining why he doesn't have that awesome a career.

This actually represents a significant breakthrough for the dumbest Baldwin. He acknowledges that he was radically zealous, oddly gleeful, and fucking creepy, and then wonders why he didn't get work? Hint - it's not because he was a Christian.

Stephen Baldwin would have gotten just as much work if he was a radically zealous, gleeful, and creepy Hindu who couldn't act for shit. Or if he were a radically zealous, gleeful, and creepy atheist who couldn't act for shit. My point is, there are certain common denominators in Stephen Baldwin's career that transcend his personal relationship with Jesus Christ. Who, truth be told, is kind of creeped out by Stephen Baldwin too.

"I don't want to be threatening to anybody. I think it's threatening to steal things and then walk around with them like it's their own." - Hawaii state representative and Democrat Tom Brower, shocked that anyone might think he was threatening.

Now, I have a lot of problems with the Catholic Church, but they've had at least two solid good ideas. First, of course, is the Popemobile. And the second is excommunication. A means by which you can expel people for espousing beliefs that run wildly counter to dogma. Now, the Catholics abuse that power because their dogma is mostly dogshitma, but the action itself is sound. And I don't think you should smash the belongings of homeless people with a sledgehammer and still get to be a Democrat.

That is not hyperbolic metaphor. Tom Brower goes out into Hawaii neighborhoods with a sledgehammer and wrecks the shopping carts of the homeless because, well, he hates homeless people and finds them disgusting. So he decided to help by smashing the meager possessions of people with almost nothing because they deign to take shopping carts to move them around in.

You would think that what he's admitting to would be illegal, and that the police would arrest him and make him stop, but apparently that's not the case in his neck of the islands. Let's hope something else can happen to at least keep this fuckwad from being so proud of his "accomplishments".