You Are Dumb, which is not a blog, posts new columns every weekday, except for a couple of days each month when it doesn't. It is also a Twitter feed, @youaredumb, with content in a similar vein but much shorter. My spinoff food site, Forkbastard, can be found easily enough by the clever.
Archive - Jul 2013
Memo to Lauren Green, Barry West, and Mark Krekorian: YOU ARE DUMB.
You may have been wondering, with all the talk about the horrible brown people to the south of us in the immigration debate, whether or not conservatives still hate Muslims with a psychotic irrationality? The answer is, of course, "yes". Brown people to the east of us are still just as much The Scary Other as brown people to the south of us, and to back that up, IDIOTS SAY THE DAMNDEST THINGS!
"This is an interesting book. Now I want to clarify, you’re a Muslim, so why did you write a book about the founder of Christianity?" - Fox News' Lauren Green, to author Reza Aslan about his book, "Zealot".
Now, Fox News is normally very, very good at its job. Mind you, it's awful at the job it's pretending to do, but it's very good at the job it's actually doing. Which raises an interesting question: why is a cable news organization, even one as awful as Fox News, taking its talking points from a right-wing review-bombing of Amazon?
Because that's where this started. I saw a reference to it on Twitter days before the Fox News article aired. Dozens of conservatives, or at least dozens of conservative accounts, all one-star-bombing "Zealot" on Amazon with the same basic talking points brought up in the Fox interview. And that's just fucking weird. That's like turning to a Breitbart commenter for your news tips. It's like checking in with Victoria Jackson's parrot to vet a story. It's madness. And it appears to have backfired, with sales for "Zealot" skyrocketing as a result. Oops.
"No I did not Twitter this … no I did not create this picture … yes I shared it … so why am I being singled out?” - the commissioner of Tennessee's Coffee County, Barry West.
Clearly, you will need some context. The thing he did not "Twitter", if I must use his perverted proper-noun-as-verb phrasing, is in fact a thing he put up on Facebook. So I'm not sure how that's a defense. And the thing he did not create is a photo of a man in a cowboy hat squinting behind a shotgun, captioned "HOW TO WINK AT A MUSLIM."
And the reason you're being singled out is that you help run a county, even if it's a county in Tennessee, and you just passed along a "joke" in social media that indicates you should murder, or at least threaten to murder, people because you don't like their faith. If we could single out all the other people who posted that and get them in a bit of trouble too, believe me, I would, but you're just barely high-profile enough as a result of holding public office that you got busted. Stop whining.
"Post-Doma: Problems will arise when polygamy is legalized, as it must be. Then spousal immigration from Muslim world will balloon. - Known micro-brain Mark Krekorian, tying his hates up in a pretty little bow.
See what you've done, gay people? You've opened the doors to the GREAT HAREM INVASION. The only thing keeping us safe from the Muslim savages bringing their dozens of wives over to America with them is our pesky laws against polygamy, and now you've ruined that.
Well, will ruin it. Eventually. Inevitably. Or not. I'm not inherently anti-polygamy, but conservatives lump them together on the grounds that they don't like them, when in practice there's a big difference, legally and logistically, between two-person unions and three-plus. Differences that keep polygamy from being the same kind of fight.
Not that it matters, because if Krekorian had even the slightest chance in the hottest hell of being fractionally right, then a similar "ballooning" effect would be happening between the Muslim countries that don't allow, or limit, polygamy (check Wikipedia, I did, and there's a bunch of them) and the ones that do. And I know where I'd be placing my bets on that one if hard data were easy to come by.