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Welcome Your Womb's New Overlords

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Memo to Bill Kinter, Trent Franks, and Jodie Laubenberg: YOU ARE PRO-DUMB.

The pro-life movement is, at its core, a bunch of people who don't think or do anything useful insisting that it's vitally important we keep around "people" who don't think or do anything useful. In other words, narcissistic self-interest masquerading as moralistic self-righteousness. And it's a combination that is rife for causing IDIOTS to SAY THE DAMNDEST THINGS.

“Women. No one understands them. They don’t even understand themselves. Books and books and books have been written about it, and no one understands it. In our household, we have a separation of powers. The legislative is downstairs and the executive is upstairs. We don’t talk about what she does on her side and what I do on my side. There’s no sharing of inside information.” - Pro-life Kansas state senator Bill Kinter, explaining his greatest mystery.

This is why it's so fucking difficult to be a rationalist in America. Because a rationalists asks himself who might possibly be the least qualified person to be writing and voting on laws that affect women in Kansas, and easily, in the top five, is "an old dude who thinks women are incomprehensible, even to women."

But nope! A guy who prides himself on both knowing nothing about women, and deliberately avoiding knowing what his wife is doing at any moment, is considered a paragon of family values and totally qualified to decide for you what goes in and stays in your womb. America, where people who wouldn't last five minutes in a real meritocracy get to pretend we're a meritocracy. Gotta love it.

"The incidence of rape resulting in pregnancy are very low." - Arizona Rep. Trent Franks, explaining why he opposes a rape exception to abortion restrictions.

Franks later walked back his comments, saying that what he MEANT to say was that very few women who get pregnant by rape get an abortion after six months. Which is mathematically true and politically irrelevant.

First, that's not what he said. Second, his proposed abortion ban is 20 weeks, which is less than six months. And third, what the fuck kind of public policy is it to say that "this thing doesn't happen very often, so it's OK to make it illegal." What's next, making sure Obamacare doesn't cover injuries from lightning strikes?

I understand Trent Franks needs to convince himself that he's only ruining a FEW lives, instead of a whole bunch, but assuaging the consciences of awful people shouldn't be the role of government. Even if it frequently is.

"In the emergency room, they have what's called rape kits, where a woman can get cleaned out." - Texas state legislator and apparent vagina-owner Jodie Laubenberg, explaining why she didn't support an exception for rape in Texas' 20-week abortion ban.

First, how do you not know that rape kits don't work like that? They're for collecting evidence. Second, how do you not know that rape kits CAN'T work like that? That's not how the plumbing behaves. You'd think she'd know that.

But even then, five seconds of thought would tell you that if hospitals had a technology that could consistently and effectively "clean a woman out" several days after unprotected sex, non-consensual or otherwise, that shit would be $19.99 a bottle at every fucking Walgreens in the country. Free-market capitalism would demand it.

Which means Laubenberg's ignorance is unforgivable on at least three separate levels. Which is one more level than even her governor, although that's mainly because he can never remember what that third level is. Oops.