Archive - Jul 26, 2013

Mr. Danger's My Dad. Call Me Carlos.

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Memo to Anthony Weiner, Racists, and Texas Legislature: YOU ARE DUMB.

Everybody's working for the weekend, or so they say. But none of you fuckers are working for the weekend more than I am. I mean, I've got another Saturday bonus column to write for tomorrow. That's just the kind of guy I am. I'm not going to just compile three short stories not worthy of a full column, call them SPASTIC TOPIC MONKEY FRIDAY, and then quit for a couple of days. Not this week, anyway.

So. Anthony Weiner. Now, I'm on record as believing that, as skeevy as Weiner's transgressions are/were, they didn't rise to the level of disqualifying him from office, because lots of people have gotten away with worse. But I think the guy might be delusional.

Not because he sent dick pics to more women after he resigned. That's his business. But he tried to make his political comeback KNOWING that he'd sent more dick pics after he resigned, and that it would come out during the campaign, and that he could get away with it. That's startlingly poor judgment, and just plain fucking stupid.

Also, at the time he was engaging in these acts, he was a man named Weiner, sexting a woman named Leathers, using the alias Carlos Danger. Now, I know that Anthony Weiner is familiar with late night comedy shows and Twitter. So either he's an unstoppable sex addict, or he's deliberately trying to become the world's greatest straight man.

How much longer are we, as a society, going to let the right-wing rampage against the civil rights movement continue?

In the post-Zimmerman world, the Fox News audience has been braying, non-stop, that any person of color who makes any kind of race-based complaint is a racist who's bringing race into a non-racial situation.

It's gotten to the point where these neanderfucks feel compelled to go to the Guardian website, find a small article about the birth of the Royal Baby, and claim in the comments that "Jesse Jackson and NAACP will sue because the baby was not born black."

I mean, I know we're really really racist. And I know the Internet is really, really, really racist. But if we have any kind of mechanism remaining for shaming, social sanction, or applying consequences to shitty behavior, I think this is where we should deploy them. Because this is getting revolting, even for me, and I've been desensitizing myself to this shit for a decade.

And speaking of genitalia and bad PR, and putting your segue from item 1 at the start of item 3 because you want to end on the closest thing you've got to a high note, when you're the Texas legislature, and you've been developing an even bigger reputation than usual as a teeming pile of gynophobia, there are certain things you should probably avoid.

One of those things is, of course, breathing. But if you insist on that, then you probably shouldn't be caught confiscating feminine hygiene products from women entering a structure where people with concealed carry permits can bring guns.

It is, as they say in the political sphere, poor marketing. It is, as they say in the more plain-spoken sphere, completely fucking ridiculous, yet depressingly predictable. Texas officials apparently were afraid of getting tampons thrown at them, but they should have just been reassured that ever since the advent of plastic applicators and the banning of hollowpoint, armor-piercing tampons, they're much less painful.