You Are Dumb, which is not a blog, posts new columns every weekday, except for a couple of days each month when it doesn't. It is also a Twitter feed, @youaredumb, with content in a similar vein but much shorter. My spinoff food site, Forkbastard, can be found easily enough by the clever.
Archive - Jul 5, 2013
Memo to America: NEITHER LOVING YOU NOR LEAVING YOU ARE VIABLE OPTIONS.
Yesterday was America's birthday. We turned 237, or just over a quarter of a Yoda. And as with all our patriotic holidays, it leaves me ambivalent. I mean, I like America, but I don't LIKE like it. We're better than a lot of places at a lot of things, but we're certainly not better than everybody at everything. And admitting that last point isn't really part of America's culture. And frankly, patriotism without self-awareness is way too much like white supremacy or Justin Bieber fandom for my taste.
So I think I'll dedicate today's SPASTIC TOPIC MONKEY FRIDAY to some of the things that make me ambivalent about America. For example:
WE TAKE RAND PAUL SERIOUSLY.
Why would we do that? I mean, I could see Rand Paul maybe being the craziest motherfucker in the House of Representatives, and the rest of Congress could then be saner and smarter than he is, but that's not the America we live in. The America we live in is one where Rand Paul is a senator, and news shows ask him what he thinks about things, and then when he says what he thinks about things, they nod sagely as if he hasn't said something bugfuck insane. Rand Paul said this:
"But after the tragedy in Newtown, Connecticut — and anti-gun hysteria in the national media reaching a fever pitch — there’s no doubt President Obama and his anti-gun pals believe the timing has never been better to ram through the U.N.’s global gun control crown jewel. I don’t know about you, but watching anti-American globalists plot against our Constitution makes me sick."
When a Senator says that, to raise money, and it's not only not disqualifying, it's not even news? That's problematic. Because the thing he's talking about isn't actually how he says it is, so he's lying, stupid, or both. This is the kind of talk you'd expect from a lobbyist for Reynold's Wrap's new haberdashery outlets, not a respected legislator.
WE LOVE TO LOSE OUR SHIT.
In Milwaukee, an arts and humanities elementary school had a "Gender Bender" or "Switch It Up" day, where students would dress essentially in drag for one day. And because we love to lose our shit, people lost their shit.
Parents claimed that it promoted homosexuality, which is stupid, They asked why not just call it "Transgender Day", which is also stupid. because gender roles are not gender identity and gender identity is not sexual attraction and anyway it's a fucking elementary school.
People could actually learn these things. Wearing a costume is not drag, drag is not transvestite, transvestite is not transgender, and transgender is not gay. And this is not difficult. But it's apparently much easier to lump everything together as "sissy" and lose our shit.
BIG HOLLYWOOD CAN TURN ON MORGAN FREEMAN:
Apparently, an episode of the Freeman-hosted "Through The Wormhole" covers intelligent design, presumably for the same reason that you will occasionally see McDonalds on the Food Network. It doesn't actually fit the subject matter, but a lot of the potential audience likes it anyway.
Freeman was interviewed, and said he didn't think God created the universe, and this was enough for Big Hollywood to post one of their general-purpose news articles where they don't overtly criticize the statements, but the criticism is implied because Freeman played God in a couple of movies and Big Hollywood bothered to post about it at all.
And then there was a 500+ comment thread chock full of creationist garbage, because biological creatures using the products of decades of information science to deny biological science is a big part of who we are as a country.
CNN ASKED, IN ALL SERIOUSNESS, IF "CRACKER" WAS WORSE THAN THE N-WORD.
I'll let CNN get back to me when Target is comfortable stocking "snack niggers" on their shelves.