You Are Dumb, which is not a blog, posts new columns every weekday, except for a couple of days each month when it doesn't. It is also a Twitter feed, @youaredumb, with content in a similar vein but much shorter. My spinoff food site, Forkbastard, can be found easily enough by the clever.
Archive - Jul 6, 2013
Memo to Todd Akin, Tom Corbett, and Glenn Gruenhagen: YOU ARE DUMB.
And on the sixth day, he tried to keep you from noticing that he rested on two of the other days. Yes, it's bonus column time! Sure, it subtly redefines the very nature of "bonus", but I won't say anything if you won't. Got some doozies lined up for you today, too. The crazy, it builds in a mighty and ultimately local crescendo in IDIOTS SAY THE DAMNDEST THINGS: BONUS EDITION.
"Of course. Of course you regret it. You think what it would have been like if I hadn't done that. I've relived that moment many, many times," - Todd Akin, reflecting poorly on his career and America.
We can shame them. We can defeat them. We can mock them. But we can never, ever, ever teach them. Because the lesson Todd Akin took from the whole "we don't need to allow abortions for rape victims because vaginas are magic and if you treat them badly enough, they will reject your sperm, therefore if you got pregnant you probably liked it" debacle was that he said it.
But the problem wasn't that he said it, the problem was that he believed it AND was in charge of making laws based on that belief. If he hadn't said it, and won the election, the problem wouldn't have gone away, it would have magnified exponentially. Maybe the part he should be replaying over and over in his mind is the moment he "learned" that you only get pregnant if you like it.
"The other area is, there are many employers that say we’re looking for people but we can’t find anybody that has passed a drug test, a lot of them. And that’s a concern for me because we’re having a serious problem with that." - Pennsylvania Governor Tom Corbett, explaining his state's high unemployment rate.
This is actually a very similar mindset to Akin's, but it's applied to poor people instead of women, so it's still pretty much acceptable. The idea is that misfortune only strikes those deserving of misfortune. Pregnant from rape? You were probably asking for it, so I don't need to help you. Unemployed? You're probably a drug addict, so we don't need to help you.
Of course, Corbett gets bonus points, because not only do those druggies deserve to be out of a job, he doesn't deserve to be blamed for the poor Pennsylvania economy. It's not his policies that have led to unemployment, it's all those damn jazz cigarettes! So re-elect him! And it's Pennsylvania, which in many ways the Florida of the North, so they just might. Although the current polls say otherwise.
"There is more and more evidence that it is a complete United Nations fraud and lie." - Minnesota outstate representative Glenn Gruenhagen, being completely fucknuts.
First, I always love a bit of classic wingnut United Nations black helicopter conspiracy theorizing, because even if everything conservatives attributed to the One World Government were true, they'd have to be the least competent all-powerful conspiracy in history. I mean, if the UN is pushing a climate change lie and fraud, they're doing a shit-ass job of it, because nobody's bothering to do anything about warming.
Oh, and not that I needed to tell you this, but Gruenhagen's "evidence" was an article from Forbes, the annual CPAC denial of actual ongoing warming, and some rehashed Climategate bullshit, so it's good to know that one of my own legislators is on all the WorldNetDaily e-mail lists.
I mean, it's better to know that the shithead's in the minority, but in this state, that can change every two years. Especially since the UN Elections Commission has done an awful, awful job of secret election fixing here. I mean, seriously, dudes. Rig another hundred thousand votes for Franken next time. Those recounts were brutal, one world overlords.