Archive - Aug 2013

August 28th

The Lazy-Ass Finale

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Memo to the hundred-and-forty-first character: YOU ARE DUMB.

And so we end my semi-break week, with 500 followers even and a good array of topics covered. Normal service will return next week. Tweets? You want some tweets? I've got your tweets right here. In my pants. Next to my penis. Which I'm pointing to. Even if you can't see it.

Funny how “You’re lucky to even have a job” and “the unemployed are lazy” always come out of the same mouths.

A new study shows a strong correlation between scientific thought and moral norms. But, of course, Science -would- say that.

Scientists have grown a miniature human brain in a lab. It can already repost things it hears on Fox News into YouTube comments.

Rumsfeld just called Obama’s Syria strategy “mindless”. Also, he’ll be holding a press conference on kettle albedos this afternoon.

Obama just unveiled two minor gun control executive orders, mainly so that teabaggers won’t forget how “tyranny” is pronounced. (trr nee)

STOP FILMING THE AMISH.

If you do a Google News search on the name “Jeremy Hutchinson”, you will not be disappointed. Trust me on this one.

Clint Eastwood and his wife have separated. Reportedly, she caught him balls deep in an empty dining room chair.

And man, that last tweet should totally have been hashtagged #unforgiven .