Archive - Jan 27, 2014

Bill Clinton's Penis!

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Memo to Paul Ryan and other Huckateers: YOU ARE DUMB.

As you may recall, on Friday, we discussed the most recent comments by Mike Huckabee, who got caught in some good old-fashioned slut-shaming. Faced with a large support gap amongst women, Republicans are attempting to do for that group what has so far not succeeded with African-Americans and Latinos. Instead of changing their policies to be friendlier, they're just going to say that Democrats are really hurting these groups, and Republicans are really helping them.

I encourage this strategy, because it's an awful, stupid strategy and it won't work. It'll just sound like what it is - condescending and wrong. But they'll try it anyway, because how else are they going to get women to vote for them? Stop being misogynistic 1950s dinosaurs who think Jesus' primary message was that you whores should shut your damn legs and get in the kitchen where you belong? Please.

So this weekend, it was up to Rand Paul, who loves strong women so much his daddy named him after one, to bring forth the Republican message that Democrats are the real rapists. ACTUAL QUOTE TIME!

"[Clinton] took advantage of a girl that was 20 years old and an intern in his office. There is no excuse for that, and that is predatory behavior."

Now, I will be the first to admit that, under Bill Clinton, if you'll pardon the expression, changes were made to the core principles of the Democratic Party that I disagree with to this day. However, fucking interns was never part of the Democratic platform. It was just a hobby. By that logic, I could say that people shouldn't trust Republicans on drug enforcement because Trey Radel likes a bit of blow every now and then.

Paul went on to declare that women won the War On Women because he knows women that are doing great. So great that he worries about how young men are doing. See, ladies? Vote Republican! That way Democrats won't ask you for the occasional b-jibber in the Oval Office sixteen years ago, and Republicans can devote themselves to the important work of making sure men are back on top again. That's the Rand Paul guarantee!

Also, for the record, taking a thing someone says and following it to its logical conclusion is not "taking it out of context". Just because that logical conclusion is in fact the opposite of the message you're trying to send doesn't mean it's our fault for pointing that out. Maybe you should try learning some self-control before you go blaming other people for the plight you're in. I know I've heard that advice somewhere before.