Archive - Jan 2014

January 21st

American Meritocracy In Action Yet Again

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Memo to Joshua Black, Elizabeth Hasselbeck, and Keith Ablow: YOU ARE DUMB.

Qualifications! Those used to be things! If conservatives are to be believed, after all, we live in a pure meritocracy where not only do hard work and competence guarantee success, but success is ironclad proof of hard work and competence! Far be it from me to argue with conservatives, but allow me to point out that some hard working and/or successful Americans are in fact IDIOTS who SAY THE DAMNDEST THINGS.

"He should be executed for treason. I think the appropriate punishment is death. They killed Benedict Arnold. He shouldn't be allowed to kill Americans without a trial." - Florida state House candidate Joshua Black, explaining why he agreed on Twitter that Barack Obama should be hung by the neck until dead.

How low a bar do you have to jump over to run for public office in Florida? I mean, you start with the bar pretty low for Florida, move it into subterranean territory when you consider it's the lower house of the state legislature, and you STILL have to move it down farther to account for the candidacy of Black, a taxi driver and former street evangelist who, when reporters ask him if he really thinks Obama should be executed for drone strikes that killed an American citizen, goes ahead and affirms it.

Now, I would love for there to be consequences for the drone program. I think there should be. But death, and more specifically, calls for death that invoke images of lynching? There's a certain type of person that feels drawn to that, and apparently that makes them a Florida politician.

"Is this in direct relation to feminism on the rise? Is it a result just sort of society seeing men that are not as masculine and men that are as masculine being kind of demonized?" - Fox News' Elizabeth Hasselbeck, asking her guest why men don't get to be manly anymore.

You know what's in direct relationship to feminism on the rise? Elizabeth Hasselbeck's career as... whatever the fuck it is she does and gets paid quite highly to do over at Fox. I guess Dumbfuck Gender Traitor isn't her official job title, but seems to be an adequate description.

And, of course, masculinity isn't actually being demonized. Ways of being male that fall outside an incredibly narrow, 1950s definition of MAN are no longer being demonized, and that narrow definition is no longer being mandated, and certain specific types of assholery are no longer acceptable. As evidenced by the fact that Elizabeth Hasselbeck, despite any appearances to the contrary, didn't have to blow Roger Ailes to get her job.

"Let me put that more clearly: I am not convinced by any science I can find that people with definitively male DNA and definitively male anatomy can actually be locked in a cruel joke of nature because they are actually female." - Keith Ablow, the apotheosis of poster child-dom for today's theme.

You can't mention having to blow Roger Ailes to get a job in one breath without mentioning Keith Ablow in the next. Ablow is the only psychiatrist whose resume consists entirely of the words "GAY" and "PANIC". He is, of course, the only mental health expert Fox turns to on issues of sexuality, gender identity, and the inner workings of Barack Obama's mind.

And he doesn't believe transgender people are real. He thinks they're faking it, or just need to play some football, in the case of female-identifying males. Which are the only people he ever mentions, because preserving penises is Ablow's only vocation. And possibly hobby. Someone should see how many canning jars he buys each year.