Archive - Apr 8, 2014

Torture-Porn Reruns

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There is a chance, albeit a slim one, that portions of America will finally be able to have a grown-up conversation about the Bush-era torture regime instituted after 9/11. But, in the much more likely event that we don't, we'll know who's to blame, and we'll know who they work for.

The main reason we'll know this is that they're the same amoral, bloodthirsty, ass-covering fucks who've kept us from having it for nearly a decade now, and they're never going to stop because they think the dirty brown people asked for it.

What's changed? Well, it's entirely possible that a multi-year, multi-million dollar report by the Senate Intelligence Committee might be declassified. The report, according to summaries and leaks, says, in no small part, that we tortured a shitload of people, we got nothing out of it, and then the CIA lied about what we got out of it in order to justify torturing people after they got caught torturing people.

Now, the debate about torture should never have been about whether it worked in the first place. The effectiveness of a tactic is supposed to have little bearing on the ethics of a tactic or the legality of a tactic. But we don't get to have that conversation because we're lizards and our little lizard brains are still shitting themselves over those buildings that fell down twelve-and-a-half years ago.

But the effectiveness argument the pro-torture crowd has been wielding this whole time - the Jack Bauer tough-guy fantasy - falls apart in the face of this report. It didn't work. It didn't help. Everything we got we got through traditional methods as well. We tortured people because we thought we had to, we tortured people because we talked ourselves into thinking it was OK, or, most likely, we tortured people because we liked it and it gave the CIA big ol' manboners.

I do not know whether torture gives Liz Cheney a manboner or not. I wouldn't put it past her. But it certainly gave her dad one. Or whatever the cyborg equivalent is. And Liz Cheney has a vested interest in two things - keeping her dad from facing the consequences of his robotortureboner, and getting a regular paycheck after Wyoming told her to go fuck herself when she tried to run for Senate.

And so it was that Liz Cheney found herself being paid once again by Fox News to lend whatever passes for credibility amongst wingnuts to spout pro-torture talking points like this. ACTUAL QUOTE TIME!

"From what we’ve seen in terms of the press reports about this report, it was written entirely by Democratic staffers."

Yes, because Republicans pulled out of the investigation early, so that if the report said anything bad, Liz Cheney could go on Fox News and discredit the report by saying only Democrats wrote it. That's not actually a debunking.

Of course, you could just go the Chris Wallace route, decide you don't give a shit whether torture works or not, and make sure everyone listening knows what kind of a macho action hero Chris Wallace really is, by making sure everyone knows "I personally, I would have waterboarded Khalid Sheikh Mohammed myself."

Great. I'm sure that'll help you when you audition for "Expendables 4", dickface, but if you had, you also wouldn't have gotten anything out of it, you'd also have been wrong, and you'd also be a war criminal. Congratulations.