Archive - Apr 9, 2014

Discomfiting Comfort

« April 2014 »

Memo to Steve Pearce, Steve King, and Keith Ablow: YOU ARE DUMB.

It's another comfort food edition of IDIOTS SAY THE DAMNDEST THINGS. Old "friends", old tropes, the bullshit and potatoes of the thing I do here. Plus a couple of names we haven't seen in a while.

"The husband’s part is to show up during the times of deep stress, take the leadership role and be accountable for the outcome, blaming no one else. The wife’s submission is not a matter of superior versus inferior; rather, it is self-imposed as a matter of obedience to the Lord and of love for her husband.” - New Mexico congressman Steve Pearce, winning over the ladies.

Isn't it amazing the way people trying to enact and enforce roles that keep men superior to women try to make it sound like the two roles are separate but equal? Submitting doesn't mean you're inferior, it just means you're, um, really good at doing what you're supposed to, by which I mean what your husband tells you to do. You're really good at that, so how could you be inferior? You're way better at obeying your spouse than your husband is!

Now, Pearce put this in his memoir, and he probably and understandably expected that nobody would read it, because who the fuck is going to walk into a bookstore, or browse the Kindle Store, and pass up everything else in there for the autobiography of an obscure New Mexico congressman who apparently plagiarized at least one chapter from a 1953 marriage manual. But this is a magical time, when news outlets give college credit to unfortunate interns who skim shit like this for juicy bits of assholery and spread them far and wide on the Internet. Your obscurity no longer protects you from everyone knowing how awful you are.

“I expect the press and the public will hold folks accountable who use that indelicate language.” - America's Second-Stupidest Congresscritter, Steve King, crapping in the other and seeing which piles up first.

King was responding to a report that John Boehner had called King an "asshole" after King merely pointed out his own made-up statistic that the immigrant ratio of valedictorians to drug mules was around 1:100, further endearing the Latino community to the Republican Party.

So, for the record, Steve King expects the media to crucify, and the public to vote out of office, any politician who says the word "asshole". Unfortunately, there's no way to Google "Steve King asshole" and determine a time when King himself hypocritically used indelicate language, so kudos to King for spending years inextricably linking himself with the insult so that he could maintain the moral high ground.

"Since giving each individual the right to power is not the goal of this American President, why would Putin believe that taking power from others would be opposed vigorously by this President's Administration?" - The geopolitical wit and wisdom of fake Fox psychologist Keith Ablow.

By the way, in case you were wondering, Obama is not giving you the right to power because he's giving you food stamps and health care and taking away your gun. In case you were wondering. If you're wondering how much power you can have while you're hungry and sick, and wondering why everyone still has their guns, well, shut up, do you have a guy who makes sure "Ph.D" is in front of your name every time you're on TV?

The best part of this, of course, is that even though both sides of his equation are completely fabricated by Ablow, the equation still doesn't actually make any sense. He got to invent the cause, he got to invent the effect, and no sane person can actually connect how the cause leads to the effect. That's the Ablow magic at work. He was probably distracted by his half-erection ever time he sees a shirtless Putin.