Archive - Sep 1, 2016

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That's Not Rain Hitting My Leg, Either

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Memo to health care capitalists, anthem defenders, and of course, Trumpy: YOU ARE DUMB.

Those things you say? You don't actually mean them. You say you mean them, you may even think you mean them, but you're wrong, because ultimately, your actions and basic logic demonstrate otherwise. Whether you're pissed off at a football player's lack of patriotism, saying you're reaching out to minorities, or claiming that America values lives, you're wrong. And SPASTIC TOPIC MONKEY FRIDAY is here to tell you why.

Since we're apparently going to spend the rest of this decade arguing over whose lives matter, let's have a chat about whether the lives of poor people with allergies matter, shall we? I mean, if "all lives matter", as I'm told by racists who think they're being the least racist, then how can there be a profit incentive behind more effective ways of keeping people alive? Yet the same kind of people who disingenuously lay claim to egalitarianism when it comes to police shootings are the same kind of people who hate Obamacare and single-payer health care and "job-killing" regulations on Big Pharma.

Which means that when you have a product that sells well because it's the best way to keep your child alive if someone accidentally gives him a peanut, you get to decide that it costs more. And costs more. And costs more. And costs more. Even though the drug inside it is cheap. Even though the mechanism you're using to deliver the drug doesn't stop working when the drug expires after a year or so. You can, basically, hold millions of people hostage, legally, because you've figured out a way to keep them from being murdered by a bee. No society that lets that happen can say all lives matter with a straight face.


You don't actually give a shit whether Colin Kaepernick stands for the national anthem or not. You can tell me you do until you're blue lives matter in the face, but I won't believe you, because, well, you're a fucking liar. Mainly because he did it for weeks without you noticing. People fail to rise for the national anthem all the time for all kinds of reasons, and you don't notice, and you don't care.

Also, you stand for the national anthem out of habit. You stand for the national anthem out of tradition. You stand for the national anthem because someone told you you were supposed to and you went along with it. So you don't get to say shit when someone thinks about standing for the anthem, and what it means, and consciously decides not to do it. And if you're part of the tiny, tiny percentage of people who actually stand for the national anthem in a conscious and self-aware manner, then, well, guess what? You know that standing is a political statement, just like not standing is. So at best, you get to disagree with why he's not standing, but you don't get to be all offended that he's not. Got it?


If the weird theater that was Donald Trump's South Of The Border Disorder was the height of his campaign's long con on American society, you're not even close. That honor goes to Trump's upcoming visit to a black church in Detroit. You see, for the past few weeks, Trump has been "reaching out" to black voters by going in front of crowds full of white people and telling them how poor and miserable and beset by murdergangs all black people are. Some people noticed this, so Trump's campaign scheduled a visit to a black church in Detroit

The problem, of course, is that most black people, quite sensibly, cannot fucking stand Donald Trump. So, instead of appearing before the congregation, he's appearing in a taped interview with a friendly pastor. No, not the one that Tweeted the cartoon of Hillary in blackface, the other black pastor that supports Trump. The interview is supposed to be taped this weekend, and released through some unspecified means at some unspecified time in the future. Oh, and yesterday, someone leaked the script. The questions the pastor would ask Trump, and the answers Trump would give, penned by his staff and presumably carefully designed to continue the thinly-disguised racism that has been the hallmark of his new, disciplined campaign. In other words, it's a sham. That is but a subset of the much larger sham that is the whole campaign.