Archive - Oct 2017

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See, He Crashed And Burned In The Days Before Viral Video

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Memo to Donald Trump, Donald Trump Jr., and John Kelly: I WISH I COULD ENJOY HOW FUCKING DUMB YOU ARE.

Watching this administration is like watching the old Wide World of Sports Agony of Defeat guy (ask your grandparents, kids), only at the end of the clip, he stands up, says “I MEANT TO DO THAT”, and he really did mean to do that, and then they award him the gold medal in ski jumping. IDIOTS SAY THE DAMNDEST THINGS!

"One of the things our administration will be doing is a massive advertising campaign to get people, especially children, not to want to take drugs in the first place because they will see the devastation and the ruination it causes to people and people’s lives. There is nothing desirable about drugs. They are bad. We want the next generation of young Americans to know the blessings of a drug-free life." - The dumbest president in America, in the midst of pretending to do something about opioids.

Man, I wish I didn’t live here. Because Donald Trump is making achievements in stupidity that I couldn’t have imagined even in my wildest dreams, and I CAN’T FUCKING ENJOY IT BECAUSE I’M TRAPPED IN HERE WITH HIM. But Donald Trump just took the single dumbest anti-drug policy in the history of the republic, Nancy Reagan’s “Just Say No” campaign and made it dumber in every single way possible.

The most notable of those ways, of course, is the drug declaration “They are bad.” But the second most notable of these ways is that the drugs he’s talking about and pretending to do something about are, for the most part, pharmaceutical opioids. In other words, MEDICINE. Medicine that doctors tell you to take. It’s a good thing it’s impossible for Trump to be any kind of role model to any child, because I can only imagine what a doctor’s visit would be like from a kid who learned ALL DRUGS ARE BAD from Trump. Anyway, if you’re struggling with opioid addiction, get in line between all the other people struggling with things Trump promised to help them with and hope they open a polling place near all the coal miners, hurricane victims, inexplicable Obamacare haters, and soon, middle class taxpayers, because nobody in that line is getting help unless they become a Nazi.

“I’m going to take half of Chloe’s candy tonight & give it to some kid who sat at home. It’s never to early to teach her about socialism.” - The dumb namesake son of the dumbest president in America.

From this, we can conclude two things, the first of which is one of three things. Which is already more math than the entire Trump family can handle, but bear with me. Either Donald Trump Jr. doesn’t understand socialism, Donald Trump Jr. doesn’t understand Halloween, or, and this is most likely, both. Halloween is, after all, a wealth redistribution program masquerading as an extortion scheme. You’d think Donnie Jr. could at least grasp that last bit.

The worst part about all this, apart from FUCKING ALL OF IT, is the smug satisfaction of a complete fucking idiot who’s going to go to sleep tonight on a five-hundred-dollar pillow full of snake oil and tackiness truly believing, in his heart of hearts, that he totally stuck it to those liberals, and that their astonishment at how smug and wrong he can be at the same time proves how right he is. Let’s all hope, despite centuries of evidence to the contrary, that he’ll go to jail.

”But the lack of an ability to compromise led to the Civil War. And men and women of good faith on both sides made their stand where their conscience had to make their stand." - The dumbest president’s dumb chief of staff, who we were all sold as “the adult in the room”.

Oh, look. The white supremacist who sailed to victory on the backs of a bunch of white supremacists and said there were good Nazis has a chief of staff who’s a white supremacist who thinks there were good slavers. You know, the slavers who didn’t really care much about slavery, just honorable differences they couldn’t compromise over, even though history is full of attempts to compromise with slavers that have names with the word compromise in them.

Here’s a big hint that’ll help you figure out if someone is a white supremacist or not. If they find ways to tell you slavery wasn’t totally bad, they’re a white supremacist. If they, for example, lie about how the slaves who built the White House were treated (in order to blunt and deflect an observation by the first black First Lady, for example), they’re a white supremacist. Whether you like it or not. Similarly, if you say a bunch of people who believed in slavery so strongly that they tried to steal half a country in order to keep doing it were good and honorable, well, you’re a white supremacist, no matter how many, shall we say, stars and bars there are on your uniform.