Archive - Mar 1, 2017



« March 2017 »

Memo to Donald Trump, three times over: YOU ARE DUMB.

Sure, Trump's talking to Congress tonight, but who gives a fuck about that? We've all seen "trying to read a scripted speech" Trump before. But this past week has seen the emergence of a new facet of our favorite runner-up of So You Think You Can Fascist - Donald The Trumpsplainer. THE IDIOT IN CHIEF SAYS THE DAMNDEST THINGS!

"Nobody knew that health care could be so complicated. I have to tell you, it's an unbelievably complex subject." - Donald Trump, being the most Donald Trump Donald Trump can be.

Do you know how many egregious qualities you have to have to utter these two sentences? First, you have to be isolated by privilege. Anyone who's ever interacted with health care ever knows how complex it is. Unless they have people to handle that shit for them so they don't have to. Then they think everyone just goes to a really nice doctor and someone sends the nice doctor some money and boom health care. Some poor flunky is stuck calling a home medical company once a month to give them a health expense account debit number to pay a tiny charge for a CPAP rental because there's no way to pay it off in advance or set it up automatically. Just as a completely random example.

You also have to be self-centered, to not care about other people's experiences; ignorant, to not know about other people's experiences; stupid, to be unwilling and unable to learn about the health care system; mendaciously egotistical, to pretend to be the first person to discover the complexity of the health care system, and obnoxiously condescending, to then try to Trumpsplain to the rest of us how complicated it is. If you wonder why we think Trump is a bag of rancid shit pretending to be a human, these two sentences sum it up nicely.

“I think they were focused so hard on politics that they didn’t get the act together at the end, It was a little sad.” - Trump, Trumpsplaining to Breitbart Web-Based Sycophancy how the Oscars fuckbotched the Best Picture announcement.

First of all, it's your fault the Oscars were focused on politics. Not because you're a shitty President, though you are. No, it's because you're a walking, talking, ethical and moral Superfund site, reprehensible on every level, and because you won the election, mentioning that super-obvious fact somehow becomes a political act. Sticking up for the slightest modicum of compassion and basic decency has somehow become a political act. That's on you.

Oh, and also, none of the people focusing on you were in charge of ENVELOPE MANAGEMENT. It's not like there was this envelope management plan sitting around for a year or so that was deemed too risky, and then a new Oscar producer, heady with power, decided to say fuck it, we're going with the new envelope management scheme because it'll make me look cool, and then instead of announcing the wrong movie for a couple of minutes a Navy SEAL died forever. Just as a completely random example."

"He just said, ‘Sometimes it’s the reverse, to make people — or to make others — look bad,’ and he used the word ‘reverse’ I would say two to three times in his comments." - Pennsylvania Attorney General Josh Shapiro, recounting Trump's reactions to the dozens of anti-Semitic attacks over the past week or two.

Yes, Trump just Trumpsplained to an attorney general named Shapiro that it might have been Jews vandalizing Jewish cemeteries and calling in dozens of bomb threats to Jewish community centers to make neo-Nazis look bad. This is known as a "false flag", popularized by completely insane man and informal Trump advisor Alex Jones, who said the same thing about Sandy Hook.

Oh, and since I'm writing late enough for this to have happened, when he opened his speech to Congress by condemning the attacks and the Kansas shooting? We know why he did that. Because people have been spending the last week wondering why the fuck he hasn't done it. You do it late enough, and insincerely enough, and formally enough, and all your bigot supporters understand you're just doing it for show. And all your human opponents do, too.