Archive - Jul 2017

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A Farewell To Asses

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Memo to the Trump administration: OH, COME ON.

I swear to fuck, scheduling constraints made me put off the Scaramucci phone call pontifigurd for ONE DAY... On the other hand, ACTUAL SELF QUOTE TIME!

"...whatever he thinks he's going to get out of this deal, I hope it's worth it. Or, more accurately, I hope he doesn't get it and regrets this decision for the rest of his life, but I hope HE hopes it's worth it, because that'll make his fall from "grace" even more satisfying. - Me, one week ago.

I bet he's regretting the ever-loving fuck out of his life choices right now. That was fast. That was so fast I bet there are smart, relatively aware people you know that have no idea Scaramucci was hired, much less fired. That was so fast the guy that quit rather than work with Scaramucci is still hanging around the office waiting for his last day.

It's like a round of musical chairs, only with skullfucking when the music stops. Spicer hated Scaramucci so he quit. Scaramucci and Priebus hate each other, so Priebus was out, and now Priebus' replacement hates Scaramucci so Scaramucci's gone. Yet somehow, all of these assholes can work with and for Trump. And Steve Bannon is locked in his office cradling The Precious, I guess, at this point.

But it's disappointing, because Scaramucci's big moment was such an amazing bit of incompetence that it could have stood a proper analysis. Becaue either he completely forgot to use the words "off the record" or "on background" before he told a New Yorker reporter that Steve Bannon likes to metaphorically autofellate or he thought it was a good idea to tell a reporter all that shit so he could print it. Thought he was being tactical or some shit.

And you know he's sitting at home now, replaying his opening press conference in his head, thinking about all the obscene praise he laid on Trump, knowing he meant none of it, knowing that he erased his history of not being a complete asshole to fit in with the Trump administration, and knowing that it was worth ten days on a job he may not have even officially had because he hadn't finished divesting for it by the time he was shown the door. But hey, at least the president tweeted that there's no chaos in the White House!