Archive - 2017

November 8th

One Day Without Fear

« November 2017 »

Memo to Danica Roem, Tucker Carlson, and Donald Trump: HAPPY WASTELAND DAY!

The weird thing is, the one-year anniversary of waking up to the reality that Donald Trump won the election was actually and in fact a happy day. And since pundits have spent all day telling Democrats not to be too happy or to read too much into Tuesday’s electoral sweep and landslide, I’m saying they can go fuck off and SAY THE DAMNDEST THINGS because I’ve got quotes that make me happy instead of enraged.

"I don't attack my constituents. Bob is my constituent now." - Danica Roem, soon to be the first open trans person to serve on a state legislature.

The greatness of this quote lies in the context. “Bob”, in this case, is former Virginia congresscritter (Virginia calls them delegates because of, I assume, some stubborn-ass old-timey Colonial bullshit) Bob Marshall. Bob Marshall is a hardline conservative and the author of Virginia’s “bathroom bill”, one of the first bills conservatives tried to use to bully a smaller, more marginalized commuity after they couldn’t really pick on gay people as much anymore.

It’s one of a number of great social justice stories from Tuesday’s election, where assholes elected on the quality of their assholery got unseated by the people they were assholes to. Danica’s statement is beautiful, because she found an incredibly gracious way to tell an old white homophobe that he’d just been FUCKING REPLACED. First of many, cross fingers.

“We are now declaring... or acknowledging the declaration... that Ralph Northam is the winner in this race.” - Tucker Carlson, not yet having received word on how Fox News was supposed to spin Tuesday’s disastrous (for them) results.

If you want some sweet, sweet schadenfreude from Captain I Don’t Wear An Actual Bow Tie Anymore But I Always Seem Like I’m Wearing One Anyway”, seek out the clip of Carlson getting the news, because it’s fucking priceless in its sad desperation.. Anyway, Gillespie is an opportunistic shitheel who went full Confederate with a side of Willy Horton in an attempt to fend off Northam and ended up getting asshammered by nine fucking percentage points.

Seriously, the scope of yesterday’s wins are huge. They show an energized voter population looking to punish Trump and everyone associated with him. They show that while gerrymandering, voter suppression, and dirty tricks still have an impact, they’re still able to be overrun by a big turnout. And they show that not only is fighting for voting rights, like former governor Terry McAuliffe did when he restored the voting rights of Virginia’s felons who’ve served out their time, the right thing to do, it pays off on Election Day.

”Congratulations to all of the ‘DEPLORABLES’ and the millions of people who gave us a MASSIVE (304-227) Electoral College landslide victory!" - President Garbage, yesterday, with a rare tweet that makes me ineffably happy.

Seriously, how sad and desperate is this tweet? Even Trump’s new 280 character limit could barely contain the obvious, bitter reaction to Tuesday’s election results. That’s the worst part about Trump - his predictability. When someone hurts him, like America hurt him in the 2017 elections, he runs back to his happy, safe space, the space where people cheered him and he has more ultimately meaningless numbers than anyone else.

He even pulled out the word “DEPLORABLES”, the rallying cry of the American asshole, embraced as a badge of honor after Hillary gently pointed out there were some very not fine people on Trump’s side. That’s how you know this really stung Trump. Got him in his soft spot. Which is everywhere and everything. The deplorables are the only people who really get him and really love him, and he reaches out to them for comofort when his need is most dire. And when his need is most dire, my smile is most wide.