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March 15th

Shitty Nazis

« March 2018 »

I have good news, and I have bad news. Barring recount shenanigans, the Democrat, Chris Lamb, overcame a 20-point Trump victory in his district to squeak out a three-digit victory over Sad Thumb Nixon. The bad news is, we’re still surrounded by hordes of fucking idiots. SPASTIC TOPIC MONKEY FRIDAY!

First, let’s check in with the master race, the people that Jews will not replace, a group of people that somehow managed to make tiki torches even less appealing: White-Trash Nazis. Because calling them “white nationalists” is insufficient and calling them “Nazis” is overly flattering to their organizational skills. Which is especially true for the apparently now-defunct Traditionalist Worker Party, which imploded after its leader, Matthew Heimbach, was jailed for assault.

But it wasn’t the “what” of the assualt that destroyed the party and proved once again that claims of genetic superiority by these goosestepping chucklefucks are laughable, it was the why. A why so incredbly white-trash, so fucking Jerry Springer, that describing the relationships involved is convoluted. But let me try. Heimbach was caught fucking the wife of his spokesman and stepfather-in-law by his spokesman and the spokesman’s stepdaughter/Heimbach’s wife, except that the wife he was fucking wasn’t the stepmother of the stepdaughter, that was some other woman. Got it? Good. They got in a fight at the trailer park they renamed a “compound” because that sounds soooooooo much better and now there’s no more party to represent traditional workers.

In only slightly less disorganized Nazi news, guess what? Remember like ten or so years ago when we were all “Hey, maybe we shoudn’t torture people” and the people in charge were all like “hey torturing people is great and fine and don’t have a problem with it you thing I don’t know what to call yet but in a decade I’ll call a snowflake!” and then the people in charge after that were all “hey let’s not prosecute our war crimes because that would just be too much hassle”?

Well, the guy who campaigned on “we didn’t torture people hard enough” now wants to make one of the big torture guys America’s top diplomat, and the woman who was one of the big torture women and also the big “destroy all the videotapes of the people I tortured” woman in charge of the agency that wasn’t supposed to be locking people up in secret overseas torture prisons but sure as heck did that a whole bunch. All because the torture people didn’t argue as much as the evil oil man who Russia liked. GREAT ENERGY!

And finally, you may recall around a month ago, a guy with an assault rifle shot up a school in Florida. In the aftermath of that shooting, our dumdum president said a thing a bunch of other dumdums have said over the years: “hey, why don’t we give all the teachers guns?!” Also, a bunch of teenagers said “hey, that’s fucking stupid, how about fewer guns for people to shoot us with?”


In the weeks since we all had a serious debate about arming teachers because the dumdum who suggested it is our dumdum president, two armed teachers have accidentally fired their weapons in the classroom, and thousands of students walked out of those classrooms in a national protest. And did we, as a nation, look at that first thing and decide that perhaps, giving teachers guns is a stupid fucking idea? No. Instead we spent days arguing over whether or not it was OK for students to walk out of class or not. In case, you know, you were wondering how we got to where we are.