Archive - 2018

June 10th

Awful At His Job, Part N+1

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Memo to Donald Trump: STARTLING INCOMPETENCE.

As we head in to Donald Trump’s summit with North Korea, it’s important to reflect on just how bad he’s been at his job in the past... 48 hours or so. And this is separate from his personality and his ideology, to the extent those things can be separated out.

The United States is now closer to war with Canada than any country has been in a very long time. I mean, it’s still not close, because we’re talking about Canada, but Trump did get in a pissing match with Justin Trudeau, an extension of the pissing match he got into with the entire G7 over the weekend, and his lickspittle lackeys fell in line behind him. All, mind you, over either a perceived or made up slight that bears no resemblance to reality.

For a few elections leading to 2016, there was a linguistic construction that was in vogue for a while. “If Person Can’t Handle Normal Thing, How Will They Manage To Handle Dangerous Thing?” For example, “eating iceberg lettuce instead of arugula” and “Osama Bin Laden”. But now we’re literally in the middle of “If Trump can’t handle Justin Trudeau on Saturday, how’s he going to handle Kim Jong Un on Monday?”

The good news is, we have two things going for us. First, Justin Trudeau is a handsome, well-liked world leader who cares about people and probably has never had to directly or indirectly pay a woman for sex, and Kim Jong Un is a brutal troll doll of a dictator who inherited everything he has, so it’s clear with whom Trump’s more simpatico. But also, Trump is a lazy narcissist who loves getting accolades in the easiest way possible. So really, the worst we can expect is for Trump to go in there, give North Korea whatever they want, and walk out the guy who “historically” ended the Korean War.

And that’s good, because the alternative, if Trump weren’t an incompetent lazy narcissist, would be that this summit would be a pretense, motions to go through to give plausible deniability to “we tried diplomacy” before giving John Bolton the big, glorious war that gets him hard. Trump only wants wars because once wars are over, they throw a parade. And he can throw one anyway.

Speaking of paying women for sex, here’s another example just from this weekend. You know what I wouldn’t do if I, say, were under investigation for colluding with Russia for personal gain, to get out of blackmail, or both? I wouldn’t call for a ridiculous favor to Russia that’s completely unjustified by current circumstances. And I wouldn’t do it a bunch of times. But Trump? Fuck it. Let’s get Russia back in the G8! Who cares what they got kicked out for! I like 8 better than 7 because it’s one more!

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Trump’s incompetence is the double-edged Sword of Damocles that’s hung over our heads for, fuck, almost a year and a half now? It seems like ten days and ten years. Anyway, the point is, “Trump, only competent” is simultaneously more dangerous, because he’d be better able to pull off the awful things he stumbles at now, and less dangerous, because there’s less chance he’ll stumble into even worse shit that he’s not even trying to do. So enjoy his high-level diplomatic summit with a nuclear-armed belligerent dictator that he’s proud he hasn’t prepared for, everyone!