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December 30th

Dumbass Of The Year: Day Three

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Memo to Trump, The Fucking Moron: YOU ARE THE DUMBASS OF THE YEAR.

And so, we come to the end of 2015, and the end of the Dumbass Of The Year air quotes competition close air quotes. We've covered Trump's racism, we've covered Trump as the ultimate expression or Republican anti-intellectualism, but there's one other reason Trump is the Dumbass of the Year. He's a fucking dumbass.

Seriously, he's deeply stupid. Even when you control for all variables like him acting dumb to give the people what they want, he's got Palin-class intelligence. His simplistic policy solutions aren't just the carefully crafted response for a simple audience. They're a product of a simple mind. I've been sitting on this quote for weeks because I knew it belonged here. ACTUAL QUOTE TIME!

"We're losing a lot of people because of the Internet, and we have to do something. We have to go see Bill Gates and a lot of different people that really understand what’s happening. We have to talk to them, maybe in certain areas, closing that Internet up in some way. Somebody will say, 'Oh freedom of speech, freedom of speech.' These are foolish people. We have a lot of foolish people." - Trump, on combating ISIS' use of social media.

Nobody said "freedom of speech, freedom of speech". Nobody even said it once. What everyone said was that Bill Gates doesn't control the Internet. More importantly, the end of Bill Gates' career as a tech guy almost literally coincided with the start of Twitter, which means that pretty much the entire social media structure that we're "losing a lot of people because of", Bill Gates don't know shit about.

I mean, forget for a moment that Donald Trump doesn't know how the Internet works, and even oppressive regimes with complete control over the incoming data lines have a tough time closing off the Internet completely. I guarantee you the entire Republican field would flunk a basic Internet knowledge test.

But I love his approach, which he uses time and time again, to problem-solving. Call for the opposite of the problem, then think of the name of a smart guy vaguely related to the problem area and make him fix it. Internet too open? Get Bill Gates to figure out how to close it! Problem go away now!

As further evidence of Trump's dipshittery, I present the following, from a Trump rally just yesterday, where he attempted to throw red meat at a Generation Moron crowd that have been programmed to believe that environmentalism is bad.

"You can’t use hairspray. Because hairspray is going to affect the ozone. Let’s see—I’m in my room, in New York City, I want to put a little spray so that I can—*mimes styling his hair*—right? But I hear that they don’t want me to use hairspray... they say it’s bad for the ozone."

Well, they didn't want you to use hairspray. Thirty fucking years ago. Because the propellant in hairspray was affecting the ozone. Thirty fucking years ago. And you know what happened? The ozone started getting better, and hairspray companies found other propellants that didn't hurt the ozone. It's not totally fixed yet, but it essentially stopped getting worse and the amount of ozone-harming chemicals in the air has dropped dramatically.

In other words, environmental regulations worked, industry adapted, and as a result, the only time we hear about the ozone layer now is when some out-of-touch moron asswipe can't keep straight that we're supposed to be yelling about incandescent light bulbs now as the example of "how dare those hippies inconvenience me to save the planet".

If that's not award-winning dumbassery, I don't know what is.