Archive - daily

April 8th, 2021

Stop It With The Florida Men

« April 2021 »
SuMoTuWeThFrSa
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
29
30

Memo to the people investigating Matt Gaetz: NAIL HIM.

It’s funny. A lot of headlines are designed from the ground up to stoke fear. I don’t know how many scary headlines about “dangerous COVID variants’ I’ve clicked on in the past few weeks that have, to a one, been about fuckin’ B.1.17.

But the most unintentionally terrifying headline I’ve read in a while is this:

“Gaetz Will Speak At Trump Doral For Summit Hosted By Jan. 6 Rally Planners”

We all know about Matt Gaetz, the youngish, Trumpian asshat from Florida who’s been in the news a lot lately for the kind of behavior that makes garbage dudes scream the definition of “ephebophilia” at you as if it somehow makes banging teenagers OK for a 38-year-old congressman.

And that doesn’t even get into the allegations of possibly paying for sex, possibly paying for plane flights to get teenagers from states where they can’t consent to states or territories where they can, allegations of showing nude pics of his possibly-purchased “conquests” to his co-workers, the possible involvement of campaign funds... a real litany of the kinds of things you think of when you look at Matt Gaetz’s stupid fucking frat bro face.

And as the headline above shows, Gaetz is trying to use the Trump playbook to bull his way through all this. Claiming a deep-state conspiracy. Insisting that his dad wore a wire for law enforcement, which I mention just because “MY DAD WORE A WIRE” is so fucking hilarious. And having events at Trump resorts and associating with the pro-Trump sedition movement.

And we should all be keeping an eye out for the Next Trump. And apparently we need to keep an eye on Florida, because with Ted Cruz’s 2021 Parade of Buffoonery, the emerging neotrumps are Gaetz and Ron DeSantis.

Which is why it’s deeply, deeply critical that Gaetz doesn’t skate on this sex shit. Because we all know what happened when we let the last guy skate on all his sex shit. Eventually there were “planners” for a “rally” where a bunch of violent now-Matt-Gaetz-supporters tried to murder a bunch of Senators and who are now hosting events where Matt Gaetz can speak to said supporters.

So, yeah. Nail his ass. It shouldn’t be that difficult, since they just flipped his co-conspirator and he used trackable online payment apps to allegedly pay for his alleged sex, but the last guy had flipped co-conspirators and receipts too and so far that hasn’t turned out great. And getting put into the re-education camps by Dictator For Life Matt Fucking Gaetz would somehow be even more embarrassing than the other guy.