The Amnesty Shuffle

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Memo to Republicans: THEN DO SOMETHING.

I suppose everyone's spent the last weekend talking about Obama's immigration executive orders, which appear to be doing a fair amount of what they're supposed to do - troll Republicans into over-reacting. Oh, and also help people, I guess. Eventually. Months from now. Once they've filled out the right paperwork and met the right criteria.

But let's focus on that first part, the right-wing freakout, rather than Obama's attempt to be known as a guy who stopped more deportations than he started (it'll be close - he's deported a LOT of people). And because we're running out of time to do this kind of thing, let's start with an old friend of the column, the soon to be "unemployed" Michele "Batshit" Bachmann. ACTUAL MAYBE THE LAST QUOTE TIME!

“The social cost will be profound on the U.S. taxpayer — millions of unskilled, illiterate, foreign nationals coming into the United States who can’t speak the English language. Even though the president says they won’t be able to vote, we all know that many, in all likelihood, will vote. The president has a very single-minded vision. He’s looking at new voters for 2016.... People do vote without being a citizen. It’s a wink and a nod, we all know it’s going to happen."

This is patently unfair. Michele Bachmann barely speaks the English language, but she votes Republican. Maybe they'll get some of these made-up totally fake non-citizen votes that are taking place when election judges and voter registrars "wink and nod" at anyone Bachmann thinks isn't an American.

I'm almost going to miss her. But I won't, because now we have Jodi Ernst, who isn't from Minnesota, but is otherwise a perfectly suitable replacement. Even more suitable, in some ways, because every time she says something stupid, I can make a passing reference to hog balls. Ernst has somehow managed to keep her yap shut on this so far, which is a bit shocking to me.

Although it's possible she's just waiting for Ted Cruz to shut the fuck up. Not something I'd hold my breath for. Cruz thinks Republicans should shut down the government and block Obama's nominees over the order, under the mistaken impression that people will somehow notice the difference over the day-to-day operation of D.C. government.

My advice to Cruz and the rest of the cranky Republicans is the same one I gave Democrats a couple of years ago over voter disenfranchisement. If you don't like it, do something about it. Democrats did very little about it in 2012 because they won in 2012, and they'll do very little about it after 2014 because, well, they're Democrats.

But if Democrats are guilty of thinking without acting, we all know what Republicans are guilty of. So please, do something. Do anything. Do everything. Shutdowns, slowdowns, impeachment... leave nothing off the table. Indulge your whims, fling red meat at your base like an angry monkey flings poop. It can't possibly backfire on you and make you look like insane idiots. Nothing else has so far.

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