I Got Yer Maypole Right Here

« May 2008 »

Memo to All and Sundry: YOU ARE DUMB.

Because tomorrow is a special You Are Dumb Dot Net event, we're bumping the traditional hodgepodge of micromorons up a day. SPASTIC TOPIC MONKEY THURSDAY!

If Janet Jackson's nipple didn't bring about the end of Western civilization, then Hannah Montana's shoulder won't either. Every time you give a shit about how much skin Miley Cyrus is showing on the cover of Vanity Fair, Disney makes five bucks, Vanity Fair makes about a buck fifty, and Exxon-Mobil makes ten grand.

Do you want to know what the Jeremiah Wright saga has taught us? That media acceptance of the crazy shit you say increases as you travel along all five of the following axes:

Black --> White

Liberal --> Conservative

Old --> Young

Ugly --> Attractive

Male --> Female

That last one is counterintuitive, and may be due to Malkin and Coulter wrecking the curve. Luckily for John McCain, the first two are MUCH more powerful than the bottom three.

I never got around to covering Roger Byrd, the pastor of a church in South Carolina who caused a small uproar when he arranged the letters on his church sign to read "OBAMA OSAMA HUMM ARE THEY BROTHERS". There's been a lot of coverage of the story, rightly ridiculing the pigfucking pastor and the members of his pigfucking congregation who agreed with him. But there has NEVER been an explanation for that "U". It really derails the attempt to seem thoughtful about the secret relationship between two men whose names rhyme when you misspell the onomatopoeic representation of your thoughtfulness. Or, to put it in words you won't have to Google, wow, do you suck.

I don't mind it when Hillary Clinton attacks Barack Obama, All I ask, and it is apparently too fucking much to ask, is that she not SIDE WITH MCCAIN against Obama. And if she does do that, all I ask, and it is again apparently too fucking much to ask, is that she not side with McCain on his second-dumbest policy idea after nuking Iran* - the gas tax holiday. I know it's impossible to underestimate the stupidity of the American voting public, but when faced with a bottomless hole, you're not actually obligated to spend all day throwing rocks down it. Or Baracks, for that matter.

*At least Clinton has only said she'd nuke Iran under specific circumstances, while McCain would apparently do it just because he likes to sing.