Brains Not Valid In Ken-Tuck-Ee

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Memo to Daniel John Essek: YOU ARE DUMB.

You would think Kentucky would be satisfied with having the Creationist Museum within its borders, meeting the collective stupidity needs of the entire state, day after day. You would think, given the law of averages, that the rest of the state would almost have to be an intellectual paradise, with flying cars and domed cities and fusion plants cranking out clean energy, just to counterbalance the Creation Museum's very existence. You would think, but Kentucky has apparently forfeited that privilege.

Daniel John Essek is on a crusade, a crusade that will bring him before the U.S> District court. A quest to prove that Barack Obama is in fact a dirty foreigner, and thus, ineligible to serve as United States President.

Essek's delusion is not an uncommon one. It's one of the great wingnut conspiracy theories of the 2008 election - that Obama was born in Kenya, or somewhere else, and not in Hawaii as he and his birth certificate claims. The conspiracy includes the claim that Obama's birth certificate, as provided for all to see on the Internet, is a fake. This comes complete with all the amateur forensics analysis middle-aged divorced slobs in their basement "home offices" can muster. It even has gone so far as to implicate the illness and death of Obama's grandmother, which conveniently required him to personally visit Hawaii in order to shore up the deceit.

Essek's only real diversion from Greater Wingnuttia is that instead of blogging about it, he's actually filing a lawsuit and talking to the press, and doing Kentucky proud in the process. ACTUAL QUOTE TIME!

"I may very well be chasing windmills thinking they're monsters... This is patriotism."

Is that a tiny ray of self-awareness peeking through? Well, this is Kentucky, dammit. Self-awareness is for commies and fags. Where's the crazy stupid we all love? Where's the tiny organization with a psychotic, misspelled mission statement? Oh, here we go. Essek is the president, and half of the total membership, of the Society for Liberty and Prosperity, which acronyms ugly no matter what you do with the "for" and the "and". The other half of the membership is the treasurer - his wife. And SLaP's goal? I hope you like isms:

"Eschew Barbarism, Collectivism, Communism, Conformitism, Despitism, Fachism, Favoritism, Imperialism, Institutionalism, Liberalism, Nazism, Nepitism, Progressivism, Racism, Sexism, and Socialism." - The last "Objective" on the SLaP List of Objective, which manages to misspell "Fascism" in two completely different ways by the end of it. The site, which I was only able to find by reading the URL off the world's ugliest CafePress shirts in SLaP's online store, is a masterpiece of moronitude, the highlight of which has got to be the complete ass-raping of the corpse of Thomas "Deist" Jefferson contained in the first paragraph of the SLaP charter:

"Whereas, in the course of Human Events, Men find it necessary to assemble Governments to themselves. The United States of America is such a Government. A Government of the People, by the People and for the People. A Government ruled by Law and the inate Goodness of Mankind. A Government which relates the differences between Man and Woman, Rich and Poor, Free and Bond, and Celebrates those Differences while at the same time, making equal that which is similar. A Government in which All are indeed Created Equal and Endowed by their Creator with certain UNALIENABLE Rights."

I'm pretty sure there's a tacit endorsement of slavery in there somewhere, but I can't be sure because every time I get more than halfway through it, I pass out. But even after all this, there are two more things you need to know about Daniel John Essek. The last two sad pieces in this pathetic jigsaw puzzle of a man. The first is that he was a Ron Paul supporter. And honestly, how the fuck couldn't he be? He's paranoid and not very bright - all that's left is to instill a religious faith in the gold standard and he's good to go.

And the second is the reason he founded the Society for Liberty and Prosperity. The explanation he gave to the Lexington Herald-Reader who were desperate to get to the heart of what makes this man tick. That reason? ACTUAL I SHIT YOU NOT TIME!

"I'm seeing a level of ignorance out there like you wouldn't believe."

Oh, we believe, Daniel John Essek. We believe.