Little Hitlers

« December 2008 »

Memo to Barack Obama and the Pennsylvania Campbells: YOU ARE DUMB.

A couple of things to get out of the way this week, both involving intolerant assholes getting more attention than they deserve. Not so much a spastic topic monkey as a BIPOLAR TOPIC MONKEY FRIDAY!

I keep hearing on the MSNBC that liberals are outraged over Rick "Silent P" Warren being asked to give the invocation at the Obama inauguration. Well, I'll be damned. Cable news got something right. Because I'm a liberal, and I'm outraged. Well, I hate the word "outraged", because outrage is so 90's, but I'm not happy about it, and it's the first truly stupid fucking thing Obama's pulled so far.

I was annoyed at first, but only a bit, because the early reports said that a joint congressional committee picked Warren, and in that case, Obama couldn't turn them down without causing a huge shitstorm from the evangelicals. But then, today, Obama defended his decision thusly: ACTUAL QUOTE TIME!

"And that dialogue, I think, is part of what my campaign is all about, that we're not going to agree on every single issue, but what we have to do is be able to create an atmosphere where we can disagree without being disagreeable and then focus on those things that we hold in common as Americans."

This is my biggest fear about Obama: that he actually believes this. Because if he does, then he won't play the game the way it needs to be played. If Obama wanted a pro-life, anti-gay pastor giving his invocation, that's fine. But not Rick Warren. Because giving it to Rick Warren gives a giant pile of moderate cred to a guy who's already super-dangerous because he's an extremist posing as a moderate. The sentence "Barack Obama asked me to give the invocation at his inauguration" is going to be a Get Out Of Bigotry Free card for the next fucking DECADE, and make no mistake, Warren will play it. And he won't be playing it to focus on the things that we hold in common as Americans.

On the other end of the power scale, we have Pennsylvania racists Heath and Deborah Campbell, who are raising a shitstorm of their own. You see, they went to ShopRite to get a birthday cake for their son, and ShopRite refused, on the grounds that ShopRite did not want to be in the business of printing "HAPPY BIRTHDAY ADOLF HITLER CAMPBELL" on birthday cakes.

This is fair. Some people have said it's cruel for Shopko to punish a three-year-old child because of the name his pigfucking Nazi parents gave him, but Adolf isn't being punished. His parents can give him a piece of plain cake without his name on it, because I damn well guarantee you Adolf Hitler Campbell can't read. In fact, ShopRite should have played the odds, given them a cake that said HAPPY BIRTHDAY SPAWN OF NAZI FUCKS on it. I'd be surprised if his parents could read either.

I may be going out on a limb here, but I think there should be a social stigma for Nazis. If you want to name your son after the world's most famous genocidal madman, you can. And if you want to name your daughters after Heinrich Himmler and the Aryan Nation, you can do that too. But if you do, you'd better have someone read the instructions on the Betty Crocker box to you, because otherwise, you're NOT GETTING CAKE.

Being tolerant has never meant tolerating bigots and Nazis. If you compare gay marriage to pedophilia and incest, you shouldn't get to speak at the inauguration of a pro-gay Democrat, and if you're a Nazi, you have to do your own baking. It's just common sense.