« January 2009 »

Memo to House Republicans: YOU ARE DUMB.

First, a bit of an update from yesterday. As of now, the digital transition delay is dead, thanks to the House Republicans. Yet I am not thanking them. I am instead telling them to go fuck themselves. Out of 178 House Republicans, 155 voted against the delay, and one was absent. And thanks to an inexplicable need for a 2/3 majority in order to pass it, it failed. And though just yesterday, I opposed the very delay that got defeated, I remain an ungrateful bastard.

Why? Well, first and foremost, because I know exactly why 155 House Republicans voted against it. They did it for one reason. One reason only. And it was not because they agreed with em that digital transition should move forward. They did it so that the AP would write these words today. ACTUAL QUOTE TIME!

"The defeat is a setback for President Barack Obama and Democrats on Capitol Hill."

It was just spite. Obama wanted this, so they wanted to take it from him. And so they did. It is a coincidence as rare as a total eclipse, as fleeting as Ted Haggard's heterosexuality, that they happened to be half-right. Only half-right, because unsurprisingly, there was no counter-proposal to solve the converter box coupon shortage, which does need to be addressed in order to make going forward with transition viable. Actually solving the problem doesn't matter when you're just out to get the new President.

And on a similar note, the grand economic stimulus package was up for a vote, and out of 177 House Republicans voting today, guess how many of them voted against the stimulus? Yes, Virginia, all fucking 177. After Obama went to ridiculous lengths in the name of that great American mug's game, "bipartisanship". After he pissed off his friends by stripping family planning money out of the bill, and caved to pundit-baiting by yanking money to refurbish the National Mall in D.C., not one Republican joined in the bipartisan spirit.

After Obama took money away from infrastructure and put it into tax cuts to win Republican favor, the Republicans voted against it and told the media there wasn't enough infrastructure in the bill. The whole thing, from start to finish, was choreographed assholery. It's as if Busby Berkeley had been exhumed from his grave, reanimated, and commissioned to put on a lavish musical entitled "Dick Move".

Barack Obama is many things, but by an large, he is not stupid. My biggest concern, really, is that he just might be stupid enough to actually believe in bipartisanship. The next week will tell us the truth. Because if he is only beholden to the idea of seeming bipartisan, this is his opening. He could tell the Republicans to go fuck themselves* and no jury in the world would convict him. Well, OK, a jury of Rush Limbaugh and his eleven genetically engineered clones whose prostates produce Oxycontin? That jury would convict him. But the American public wouldn't.

The case is as clear as it's ever been. Obama has very visibly gone above and beyond the call of duty in trying to get Republicans to work with him. And when the vote came down, the crazy, inbred motherfuckers who remain in the House GOP fell all over themselves to see who could slap the hand of bipartisanship away the hardest. Obama can take that, and use that, and throw the full force of his charm and popularity to push forth the very true idea that Republicans are just being dicks about this, or he can try even harder to win them over next time, which won't work because it hasn't worked for twenty years.

Zero for. One hundred and seventy seven against. The House Republicans wanted to send a message to Obama, and they succeeded. Obama needs to take that message and broadcast it to the American people. He can't sit back. If he does nothing, the media narrative will be Republican solidarity, not Republican obstructionism. If we are not reminded, repeatedly, that the Republicans opposed the stimulus, they will claim credit for it if and when it succeeds, and they'll get away with it. Why? Because they're dicks. And when you try to shake hands with a dick, you just end up with a dick in your hand.

*In a lengthy, eloquent speech that evoked the best in America, of course.