Viva Los Estupidos!

« May 2009 »

Memo to Coleman, Gutfeld, Beck, Fitter, and Inhofe: YOU ARE DUMB.

Time for another fascinating insight into the process that goes into writing You Are Dumb Dot Net. It's Tuesday morning. Wednesday is the day for the traditional quotefest. I could always go back through the research and dig up some oldies but goodies, but what I could really use is an event that will get the usual suspects talking all day long, so that I have a juicy array of thematically connected quotes all lined up. And then WHAM, Obama announces his first Supreme Court pick, and I know I'm set. Sure, a couple of hours into the day I'm a bit concerned, because the GOP accidentally leaked their Sotomayor talking points, which are deferential and tame, but it's not long before the nutters are going off the reservation left and right. Perfect for an IDIOTS SAY THE DAMNDEST THINGS.

"When I am re-elected, I intend to review Judge Sotomayor's record using this process. Certainly, the nomination of a Hispanic woman to the nation's highest court is something all American's should applaud." - Not senator Norm Coleman, who will not be re-elected, fucking with us.

I haven't talked about Norm much. That's because the man who thought "incisive" meant "having more incisors than the other guy" is doing exactly what I would want a Democrat to do were the tables turned, and what I wanted them to do during all eight years of the Bush administration - use every tool at their disposal to fuck over the other side. But Norm being Norm, he can't keep himself from being an epic douchebag while he does it, as evidenced by this quote, which attempts to pretend that Norm still pretends he has a shot.

"Granted, I don’t know the first thing about Sotomayor (I’m sure she’s a nice lady!) other than she’s Hispanic, and an 'inspiring woman' who grew up in 'poor surroundings,' etc… But it all sounds a bit familiar in an unnerving way. The bottom line is, when a person’s 'story' is the story, it’s purely a diversionary tactic to take you off the ideological ball." - Greg Gutfeld, pretending not to be a racist.

It's funny how they think adding extra layers of icing to the same shit pie will keep us from smelling that it's made of shit. "She's only getting the job because she's Hispanic" becomes "She's only getting the job because we'll get yelled at if we criticize her... because she's Hispanic." In a remarkable lack of self-awareness by even Big Hollywood standards, Gutfeld criticizes the nomination of Sotomayor based on the fact that all the information we'll ever have about her is that she's Hispanic. And then admits that what's actually happening is that all HE knows about her right now is that she's Hispanic. It's not our fault you refuse to use Google, Greg.

"Does the nominee still have Diabetes? Could the Messiah heal her, or does she just not want to ask? What is protocal on miracle healings?" - Glenn Beck, via Twitter.

Glenn Beck is on the teevee. Glenn Beck is on the radio. Glenn Beck is doing standup comedy on the movie screen. Glenn Beck is writing books. Glenn Beck is using Twitter. From this, and the above quote, I conclude that Glenn Beck is not human. He's a man-shaped colony of bacteria that consumes media* and excretes incoherence, and the only way to kill it is to revert to the telegraph.

"The President said that he wanted a judge who had empathy and I read empathy to mean bias in favor of politically correct individuals, whether they be women or a gay person or a black or Hispanic. You know that's the way they should decide in favor of them no matter what the law is." - Tom Fitton of Judicial Watch.

You know all those crazy people during the election who said that if we elected a black man President, he'd just use his presidential power to hand all of our white-people stuff over to the black people? Yeah, this is the same argument, except with all minorities. If you put a minority in power, they're just gonna take stuff away from rich straight white men and hand it over to the undeserving. Post-racial like hell.

"Of primary concern to me is whether or not Judge Sotomayor follows the proper role of judges and refrains from legislating from the bench. Some of her recent comments on this matter have given me cause for great concern. In the months ahead, it will be important for those of us in the U.S. Senate to weigh her qualifications and character as well as her ability to rule fairly without undue influence from her own personal race, gender, or political preferences." - Senator James Inhofe.

Is there no cause so stupid, no bandwagon so racist and ignorant, that James Inhofe will not only leap aboard it, but in fact punch the driver in the head, commandeer the bandwagon, and drive it headlong off a cliff, loudly denying the existence of gravity as he plummets toward the bottom? I submit no such cause exists. Exactly how much influence are her race, gender, and political preference allowed to exert, anyway? I know it's only a tiny fraction of the influence whiteness, maleness, and conservatism are allowed to exert, but I'd still like it quantified, possibly with a meter of some sort, before the confirmation hearings start.

Oh, and folks? If the phrase "activist judge" gives you hives, you'd better grow gills fast, because you're going to have to spend the entire summer submerged in calamine lotion and steroid cream. Because I guarantee you the conservatives have decided they get to use it three times for every one time we didn't use it during the Roberts and Alito hearings.

*In the strict sense, as in the plural of "medium". To Beck, any medium is a growth medium.