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Memo to all those worried about Obama's speech today: MAYBE YOU HAVE A POINT.

I will admit, my first reaction to the furor over Obama's speech to kids today was the typical liberal reaction. The people claiming that Obama was "indoctrinating the youth" sounded completely fucking insane.

For example, when Oklahoma state senator Steve Russell said, "As far as I am concerned, this is not civics education – it gives the appearance of creating a cult of personality. This is something you'd expect to see in North Korea or in Saddam Hussein's Iraq.", I came to what experience has taught me is the logical conclusion. That a Republican state senator from Oklahoma has an IQ lower than most slime molds, that he probably learned everything he knows about cults of personality from the Living Colour song, and that I assumed Saddam Hussein's Iraq had no schools, because every time American troops helped build one, it was held up as a shining example of why we bombed the fuck out of them.

And when I read what Timmeh Pawlenty had to say on the issue, namely that "I don't think it's wrong for the president to speak on education issues, you've just got to be careful about how you do it so you don't look like you are using the public school infrastructure for a political purpose.", I again followed my instincts, and in an homage to the just-closed State Fair, noted that Timmeh Pawlenty is a fucking hemorrhoid on a stick, and an opportunistic pile of shit who is clearly using the ginned-up controversy of crazy people to strike a pose that sounds moderate by comparison, yet is still mind-numbingly stupid in absolute terms.

And honestly, I don't even know what Glenn Beck said about it. I assume that he did, and I assume that it was red-faced, teary-eyed, and bore as much resemblance to reality as skunk spray does to Febreze.

But then, when I saw what my imaginary child had brought home from his imaginary school as a response to his imaginary homework assignment that he somehow managed to complete the day before the President actually sent out his webcast, I had to wonder... maybe these people were onto something:

I tell you if shit that's made up out of whole cloth has any value as a political attack (and it certainly seems to, doesn't it?) then the shit I just made up right here is an incredibly damning condemnation of the President's fascist-socialist indoctrination of America's youth. It is also proof that Obama will reap his health-care savings by singlehandedly murdering old people with his heretofore unseen eye-lasers.