Coyotes, Time As An Abstract

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Memo to Michelle Bachmann, Cal Thomas, and Jim Green: I BELIEVE YOU ARE DUMB.

Ah, belief. I hate to slag off an entire abstract concept, but belief, in its pure form, is one hell of a force for dumb in a cold, uncaring universe. But today I'm not talking about religious belief, or the general shorthand of "believe" for "this happens a lot so the probability is pretty high". I'm talking about using the word "believe", or using your own beliefs, as a Get Out Of Jail Free card for talking out of your ass. Which leads us to a special, all-belief edition of IDIOTS SAY THE DAMNDEST THINGS!

Also with women politicians, they want to make sure no women, no woman becomes president before a Democrat woman, and so they're doing everything they can to, I think, sabotage women like Sarah Palin, perhaps women like myself, or similarly situated women, to make sure that we don't have a prominent national voice. But the thing is, the people in our country, they don't care who the voice is, they just want someone, they want to know that someone is speaking out for them against what will certainly bring about the destruction of our great country if we continue to go down the Obama path." - Michelle Bachmann, who I believe is deliberately saying one stupid fucking thing each week just to make my life easier.

I am not shocked that the difference between correlation and causation is one more fucking thing Michelle Bachmann doesn't know about. Yes, we mock and sabotage Republican women like Sarah Palin and Michelle Bachmann. And yes, we do not want, in any way shape or form, Sarah Palin or Michelle Bachmann to be the first woman president. We also don't want them to be the second. Or the third. Or the eighth. But these things aren't causally related, they're two effects of one common cause - Sarah Palin and Michelle Bachmann are insane morons. I don't want ANY insane moron to become president, because I've lived through that at least twice now, and it's never turned out well. That's not a belief, that's empirical evidence, dipshit.

"Here is the way I believe it works at liberal universities. Some professors require their students to repeat back to them on test papers and in theses what the professors believe. Unless students hate Republicans, revile George W. Bush and Ronald Reagan, renounce God, support abortion and gay rights, they can sometimes expect a lower, even a failing grade. - Conservative columnist Cal Thomas, who I believe is flinging his theses.

There's nothing particularly new here - Cal is just plagiarizing David Horowitz columns from four years ago. But note the careful phrasing: "here is the way I believe it works". He doesn't know that's how it works. He doesn't have any evidence that's how it works. He just BELIEVES it's like that, and thus he can insist that something be done about it. Just like all those people who BELIEVED Van Jones was a radical Communist. Didn't matter whether he was or not. Didn't matter whether he stopped being one. They believed it, and he backed down. Why? Because we live in the era of zero truth, that's why.

"No, I don't. But I would anticipate, based on this President being so vocal and so aggressive about his vision of America, where government is in every aspect of our lives, I believe that the speech that he was gonna give, based on the lesson plans, is different." - Florida GOP Chair Jim Greer, the man who I believe bears the brunt of the blame for the School Speech Hissy Fit in the first place, after being asked if he has any evidence that Obama's speech was changed after he went all bitchcakes.

And speaking of zero truth. It was Greer's press release attacking Obama's speech that started the shit avalanche we've been smelling for the past week. And now that the speech is over, and Obama didn't inject divisive political subjects like, oh, tax cuts or gun control (the way Reagan did in HIS speech to students), he's taking CREDIT FOR HAVING BEEN PROVED WRONG. Based on what? Based on the fact that morons like Jim Greer never, ever admit they've been proved wrong. If Obama didn't indoctrinate America's children in a socialist dogma reminiscent of Saddam Hussein's Iraq, it's because Jim Greer cut him off at the pass! That's what Jim Greer believes, anyway, and who are we to question him with our logic and facts?

I believe we are fucked, and I believe that it's these fucks believing things that are largely responsible for the fucking. Thanks, assholes.