Proper Spasticitude

« October 2009 »

Memo to Lindsay Graham, Suzanne Fields, and the Senate Finance Committee: YOU ARE DUMB.

Yes, technically, this makes two in one week, but first, I don't really care, and second, Monday didn't really count, because they were thematically linked, and not a proper Spastic Topic Monkey day. Three things, completely unrelated beyond the fact that they're only worth a couple of paragraphs each? That's what I call a real SPASTIC TOPIC MONKEY FRIDAY.

Fuck you, Lindsay Graham. Don't try to fob Glenn Beck off on us. He's your problem - the unleashed eight-year-old temper tantrum the Republicans have been incubating since Bill Clinton got into office. Not what you said. ACTUAL QUOTE TIME!

"Glenn Beck is not aligned with any party. He is aligned with cynicism and there has always been a market for cynics. But we became a great nation not because we are a nation of cynics. We became a great nation because we are a nation of believers." - Lindsay Graham, at the appropriately-named "First Draft Of History" conference.

On behalf of all cynics everywhere, go to hell. Beck's not a cynic, he's insane. And for that matter, we're a great nation BECAUSE we're a nation of cynics. The checks and balances that have kept the government intact for nearly two-and-a-half centuries are the direct product of cynicism. Fuck the believers. Glenn Beck is a believer. He's all yours.

Speaking of believers and horrible human beings, Suzanne Fields wrote a column for the Washington Times in which she tries to tie the New York Times profile of an openly gay 13-year-old to the wingnut jihad against Kevin Jennings. All you need to know about the latter is that it is both easily Google-able and complete bullshit. Anyway, I just want to provide you with the two linking paragraphs because they are so fucking awful.

"Some of us thought the early sexual revolution went too far, making the illicit explicit and the personal political and trivializing sex as the equivalent of fast food. The exploitation of children is still expanding.

The homosexual revolution finds accomplices among adults in the name of socially redeeming value, and the ability to discriminate between the legitimate and the illegitimate continues to recede. Soon nothing is illegitimate."

Not only is that atrocious writing, but it's that particularly vile form of socially conservative pearl-clutching. A pathetic longing for an allegedly better time when people had standards, sodomy was illegal, and thirteen-year-old gay kids knew better than to tell anyone about it lest they make Suzanne Fields uncomfortable. Well, if openly gay middle-schoolers makes Mrs. Fields queasy, she'll just have to get used to tossing her cookies, because it's not gonna be 1960 again anytime soon.

Fuck Kent Conrad and fuck Blanche Lincoln. One of the reasons we voted Republicans out of office is so that we wouldn't be spending federal money on the Christian fever-dream of abstinence-only sex ed. Yet thanks to those two, plus ten Republicans, the Finance Committee restored the funding, to the tune of fifty million dollars a year.

The only way we're going to fight our way back to some semblance of sanity is if we start turning our backs on crazy shit that doesn't work. And this is one of the big test cases. Why the hell can't these "Blue Dogs", who are essentially Republicans who got elected with the other letter after their names, just let shit happen? Oppose the public option, fine, but don't expend all that time and energy keeping it from happening. You don't have to vote to defund abstinence, but don't actively take part in re-funding it. Go back to your hick-fuck constituents and tell them there was nothing you could do, and let us actually get on with the business of making things slightly less awful. OK?