Less Asking, Less Telling, Please

« February 2010 »

Memo to Elaine Donnelly, John Koller, and Andrew Breitbart: STOP TELLING.

The military's "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy in regards to gay service members (if you'll pardon the expression) has been in the news a lot of late, because, well, conservatives pretty much exist to tear down any government institution that isn't institutionalized bigotry. But where, I say, is the focus on the asking, and telling, that's really hurting cohesiveness? That's really destroying America? Why can't we institute a policy whereby we stop asking IDIOTS questions, so that they can stop TELLING US THE DAMNDEST THINGS in response?

"Ok, now how are we going to deal with four different sexual groups, say Special Operations summaries, how’s that going to work? Or are we going to have the kind of military — and he clearly suggests this — he says yes, we have women in the military. We all support women in the military. However, he says that everything has been going on just fine without incident. Umm, what was that Abu Ghraib scandal all about? It started out as misconduct between men and women and then it steadily deteriorated into abuse of prisoners. The common denominator is lack of discipline. Once you break down discipline, good order and discipline and morale, everything that’s required for unit cohesion, you undermine the culture and the strength of the armed forces. This man obviously doesn’t get that." - Elaine Donnelly of the "Center for Military Readiness"

OK, first and foremost, I have been the keen observer of right-wing "center" nomenclature for a long time, so I can guaranfuckingtee you that the "Center for Military Readiness" exists solely to champion anti-gay discrimination. Because "harming military readiness" is right-wing code for hetero soldiers having gay-panic attacks in the barracks. Of course, I admit my analysis is supported by this quote, which reveals that Elaine Donnelly is completely fucking insane.

I mean, let me get this perfectly straight. You know, like Donnelly wants the Army to be. When someone like me brings up the uncomfortable fact that the United States developed a culture of torture and abuse at the highest levels of power after 9/11, and this culture included extraordinary rendition, waterboarding, and the systematic manipulation of the media to normalize the idea that the "enemy" deserved anything and everything we were doing to them, and that it is this culture of abuse that directly led to naked pyramids and beatings at Abu Ghraib, I'm the one who gets told that we shouldn't look back, or investigate the past, and just trust that the new guy is doing the right thing (even though he's clearly not).

But we can't repeal discriminatory actions on gays in the military, because two of the soldiers involved in the Abu Ghraib scandal happened to be opposite-fucking? And this person gets to be part of a "center", and go on the radio, and not immediately discredit an entire faction of bigots who have to be placated with a year-long "study" of what we all know is blatantly obvious - that DADT is a sham meant to placate bigots, and that it's not working.

"Apple's entrance into the portable gaming space has been a net positive for Sony ... when people want a deeper, richer console, they start playing on a PSP." - John Koller of Sony, reacting to the announcement of Apple's iPad.

OK, this may not be immediately obvious to those of you who aren't as steeped in the minutiae of the video game industry, the way I am, but this really does rank up there with the politically delusional bullshit that normally makes its way to this space every Wednesday. To help you understand this, allow me to recap some of Sony's hopes and dreams when the PSP, or PlayStation Portable, launched a few years back.

They wanted people to play music on it. People kept playing music on their iPods. They wanted people to watch movies on it - so much so that they invented a whole new disc format to sell movies on. People kept playing movies on their iPhones, except for a few hardy nerds who bought PSP movies on deep, deep clearance. They wanted people to surf the web on the PSP. I tried it. Once. It was the most miserable experience I've had surfing the web on a game console since the dial-up adapter for the Sega Saturn. And this year, they introduced a PSP that looks a lot like an iPhone, with a digital store where you could buy little games, like the iPhone. In fact, most of those games were ported from, you guessed it, the iPhone.

Don't get me wrong - when it comes to vitally important gaming features like, you know, having buttons to press, the PSP shits all over the iPhone from a great height. But that thing that Koller said just ain't happening, and it's gonna ain't happen even more with the iPad.

"The media hate James O’Keefe! The panty-bomber is to be granted greater rights in the left-media’s worldview. They use Council on Islamic Relations-approved language to describe those in custody. They demand that enemy combatants be given lawyers and constitutional protections—and James O’Keefe was afforded none of these. Not having an attorney and not being able to communicate with an attorney is bothersome, and 28 hours is a long time in which the prosecutor is framing an extravagant set of charges against him that are then leaked to the press for maximum impact. And, boy, did they get maximum impact!" - Andy Breitbart, who has decided to stop distancing himself from his favorite costumed avenger after they'd settled on a suitable narrative.

Wow. I'm pretty sure that until Russ Douthat gets around to comparing his new hemorrhoid to the sun going supernova, this will reign as the falsest equivalency in the history of false equivalencies. Motherfucker's going to use his pimp protege's dress-up play to hit the left on terrorism? Fuuuuuuuuck yooooooooou. I know that's not enough vowels, but proper transcription would be cruel to the readership.

I would like to point out to Breitbart, even though he clearly knows this and is being willfully ignorant and disingenuous on account of there being something broken in his brain, that spending a day in jail before you talk to a lawyer, make bail, run home to your parents, and get booked on a half-dozen talk shows to give your side of the story is not only a far cry from what Krispy Krotche got, it's a far cry from what we fans of the rule of law would argue he deserves. But none of that matters, because Andy found a way to frame this mess so that he can save face amongst the only people who take him seriously. And I'm guessing at least one of those four guys still isn't totally convinced.