In The Still Of The Dumb

« February 2010 »

Memo to Sam Wurzelbacher (still), the TSA (still), and the Star-Tribune (still): YOU ARE DUMB.

I'll let the rest of the Internet argue whether the anti-government, anti-tax asshole who suicide-planed (since he's white, it's not "homicide-planed", after all) an IRS office in Texas yesterday was a wingnut with a grudge or a wingnut with a personal grudge. Me, I'm just going to kick back and enjoy a bit of SPASTIC TOPIC MONKEY FRIDAY.

Aw, Sam The Non-Plumber is just now coming to the realization that he was "used" by John McCain during the 2008 election. Apparently, he's been going around the country (which he can do because John McCain used him) giving talks to groups (who would never have brought him in if not for McCain) and bitching to them about how John McCain "really screwed my life up". Which is why he's supporting McCain's primary opponent, J.D. Hayworth, something nobody would give a shit about if John McCain hadn't used him and abused him.

So, I guess this tells us two things. First, that we can add "complete fucking ingrate" to the list of Wurzelbacher's unsavory qualities. And second, since he still seems to think he is "the face of Middle Americans", we know his meds aren't working. Oh, who am I kidding. He's self-employed. He can't get psychiatric coverage thanks to the constant thwarting of Obama's socialist agenda.

In the "we're still safe" department, the TSA arrested and detained a student from California last summer, asking him pointed questions like "Do you know who did 9/11?". We know about this now because of a lawsuit filed upon the student's behalf by the ACLU. Which means it's time to play along at home! What damning evidence did the TSA use to justify their suspicions of terrorism?

If you answered "beard", I'm afraid I can't even give you partial credit. Only one of the photos of the student shows him with even a bit of scruffy facial hair, and his head-hair appears to be either dirty blonde or the result of bad highlighting. Sorry.

If you answered "name", no, I'm sorry, his name was Nick George. That's one of the Jonas brothers and one of the Founding Fathers, so no possible hints of terrorism.

If you answered "had a Koran in his luggage", while you are getting warmer, I'm afraid it's not even that comprehensible.

You there, in the back? What's that? Arabic flash cards? Oooh, I'm sorry, I can't give you the prize. Because while the correct answer was "Arabic flash cards", that's so ridiculous that there's no way you could have guessed it, and must have seen the story already. Yes, Nick George is studying Arabic, had some study materials in his luggage, and that was all the TSA needed to completely fail to catch yet another terrorist. We should totally buy these guys multi-million dollar machines so that they can see our wangs.

And closer to home - by which I mean literally a couple of hundred feet away from my home, the Minneapolis suburb of St. Louis Park considered a divestment resolution, in an attempt to keep the city from investing in corporations that are complicit in the genocide of Darfur. That's not dumb. What's dumb is the glorious fake controversy summed up beautifully in the Star-Tribune's blurb about the resolution. ACTUAL BLURB TIME!

"St. Louis Park is considering joining seven other Minnesota cities in taking a stand against genocide. But should they?"

Should they take a stand against genocide? Here, let me answer that question for you in the simplest way possible. YES. It's GENOCIDE. Everyone should take a stand against genocide. Nobody should be pro-genocide. Nobody should even be somewhat neutral on the topic of genocide, on account of the fact that it's GENOCIDE! And if the city wants to make sure it's not using its money to inadvertently support genocide, more power to them.

But modern American journalism requires two sides to every issue, even if that issue is geno-mother-fucking-cide, so they dug up some asshole city council member from some asshole town (Edina, in the least surprising reveal of the millennium) who suggested that it's not the place of suburban Midwestern towns to concern themselves with Africa:

"I guess I have an old-fashioned view. We ought to make sure police are taken care of, that we have good parks and that roads get clear. I think foreign policy and things like that are for the president and secretary of state." - Scot Housh, who is currently petitioning Hillary Clinton to secure the release of his first name's second T.

Hm. We have an "old-fashioned" guy, from Edina, who wants someone else to worry about all the suffering black people. I'm sure there's some kind of implication there I could make. Housh, by the way, felt the courage of this conviction strongly enough to abstain both times the resolution came before the Edina city council.

It's like a microcosm of why everything sucks. A scale model of the steaming pile of shit American governance has become. Suburban cities unable to depoliticize genocide, while the press dutifully reports on both sides of the genocide story as if they were equally valid. USA! USA! USA!