Man, Republicans Really Hate Gay People

« February 2010 »

Memo to Gary Nodler, Matthew Cardinale, and Rick Votaw: YOU ARE DUMB.

Man, those Republicans. They sure do hate gay people. I mean, liberals aren't immune from being stupid and misguided, but there's nothing quite like the sheer venom you get from Republicans when faced with something they oppose for no valid reason whatsoever. A careful analysis of those sentences will reveal the structure of this week's IDIOTS SAY THE DAMNDEST THINGS, a gay bigotry sandwich with a clueless liberal filling. Let's take a big ol' bite, shall we?

"The Muslim nations of Iraq and Afghanistan, where America is fighting two wars, are opposed to homosexuality. Changing “Don’t ask, don’t tell” would offend the terrorists in such a way that could put soldiers — and America — at risk of further terrorist attacks." - Missouri state senator Gary Nodler.

I swear, we're coming up on the ninth anniversary of 9/11, and we still don't have a consistent attitude from conservatives over the proper attitude towards terrorists. If you listen to Toby Keith, the only appropriate action is rectal bootage. If you're George W. Bush, you egg them on in public and torture a healthy mixture of terrorists and random innocent brown people in private. If you're Dick Cheney in campaign mode, you do nothing that could possibly be construed by the terrorists as "emboldening" them, and the means by which the terrorists construe that is if the action is supported by a Democratic candidate or president.

But we're also clearly not supposed to piss them off by adopting social mores antithetical to their belief system. Gary Nodler is just the latest Republican to toss out the idea that the terrorists hate us for our gay freedoms, and thus we should avoid enacting any more gay freedoms. If you're wondering why we would want to avoid pissing off terrorists in this way, while continuing to piss them off by using unarmed drones to bomb civilians in countries we're not even at war with, well, there's a simple answer to that. Republicans hate gay people even more than they do Muslims, and this stance lets them ruin both groups' days. It's a win-win, really.

"At a very fundamental, core level, Springston did not share our vision for a news publication with a progressive perspective. He held on to the notion that there was an objective reality that could be reported objectively, despite the fact that that was not our editorial policy at Atlanta Progressive News. It just wasn't the right fit." - Matthew Cardinale, editor, Atlanta Progressive News, on the reasons for firing reporter Jonathan Springston.

This just pisses me off on so many levels. You know why I don't believe in trickle-down economics? Not because I'm a liberal, but because when it's been tried, it hasn't fucking worked. You know why I don't believe in deregulation? Because as a general rule, deregulation leads to the resumption of the abuses the regulations were meant to stop in the first place. So unless those abuses suddenly became good things, deregulation hurts society. All of this is based on objective evidence, or at least as close to objective evidence as I can muster going about my day-to-day life. You know why I don't go on about concealed-carry laws? Because concealed-carry laws don't end up leading to gunfights in the streets. And the fact that the NRA are giant fuckheads with tiny penises and epic insecurity issues doesn't change that.

Any time anyone abandons objective reality in favor of a worldview, we all get dumber. And that's just what the Atlanta Progressive News did here. If the objective reality doesn't support what you want to say, and you say it anyway, you're just Glenn Beck with a composting toilet and plenty of bullshit to load it up with. There's plenty of room for advocacy and a point of view. There's even plenty of room for exaggeration, vilification, and shit-stirring. But when you abandon that core of fact, you're part of the fucking problem, no matter how "progressive" and helpful you think you're being.

"“They feel like they’re being gagged. I think it’s because they want to keep the cocks out of their mouths.” - Salt Lake County GOP vice-chairman Rick Votaw, on the occasion of silent protests by Utah GLBT groups.

Man, Utah just brings out the worst in people, doesn't it? This is the pure stuff, right here. The vitriol that normally hides behind euphemisms. All the people who claim to hate the sin, but love the sinner? They're thinking stuff like this every waking moment. And sometimes, it slips out, for all the world to see. And the best part? It's so vile and hateful that it doesn't even make any damn sense. If you're going to use a line like this - and I'm not recommending people use a line like this, because it's an awful fucking line - the way you express this idea is as a conditional. IF they don't want to feel like they're gagged, THEN they should keep the cocks out of their mouths.

Votaw, on the other hand, goes double-negative on his cause-and-effect and ends up, metaphorically speaking, with a cock where his mouth should be. And that's if you accept the bigoted Republican attitude that pretty much all GLBT issues boil down to the disgusting things gay men do with each other's penises. Realistically, only 50% of the GLBT community wants a cock in their mouths at all*, so treating them as a monolithic group in that regard is stupid and wrong even if Votaw had somehow managed to get the whole logical structure of his comment right, instead of just spitting out a big load of hate.

*Rough calculation based on 100% of G, 0% of L, B 50% of the time, and 50% of the T. Not to be treated as robust survey data.