The Extra "R" Is For R You Kidding Me?

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Memo to Nevada: NO, REALLY: YOU'RE KIDDING, RIGHT?

I'm starting to wonder if these people are out there, reading the column, and taking me seriously. For the record: there isn't actually a competition for either the stupidest or craziest person in Congress, so you can all fucking well STOP TRYING TO WIN IT.

Our latest contestant is Sharron Angle, who won Nevada's Republican primary. And she's bugfuck on a level that makes Michelle Bachmann seem like bug heavy-petting. For one thing, she appears to be a Christian Reconstructionist.

I don't talk about the Reconstructionists much here, because they don't have much power. They have their little political parties, like the Constitution Party and such, and they get less than one percent of the vote. And that's a good thing, because they are pure, unadulterated theocrats. If there's a biblical equivalent to sharia law, they want to impose it on America. And up until the late 1990s, Sharron Angle was a member of the Independent American Party of Nevada, the local outpost of Reconstructionism. And by some accounts, she only left to improve her electability.

And how does her particular brand of insanity express itself? Well, if you're the Republican Party, as little as possible. As soon as she won the primary, her website was scrubbed and the GOP gave her the same "stay away from reporters until you learn to stop saying what you think" treatment they gave Rand Paul. But that doesn't mean you can't find things like this, from a 2005 interview, about drug legalization. ACTUAL QUOTE TIME!

"I would tell you that I have the same feelings about legalizing marijuana, not medical marijuana, but just legalizing marijuana. I feel the same about legalizing alcohol. The effect on society is so great that I’m just not a real proponent of legalizing any drug or encouraging any drug abuse. I’m elected by the people to protect, and I think that law should protect."

Since then, Angle's spokesmen have said that doesn't mean Sharron Angle wants to make alcohol illegal, and pointed out that she's never tried. That's what we in the understatement business call a somewhat charitable reading of her statement that she feels the same way about legalizing alcohol that she feels about legalizing marijuana. Since I'm not charitable, I'd read it as she would fucking love to make alcohol illegal to stem the tide of abuse and sin in America, but knows she'd never get away with it.

In addition to legislating Biblical morality, Angle also claims to be affiliated with the Oath Keepers. That's another organization I haven't gotten around to covering yet. It's basically a Teabagger Revolution LARP group - a bunch of police, ex-military, and firefighters who've pledged to go all Red Dawn in case Obama orders them to do anything outside the Constitution. No word on what the Oath Keepers' position on Prohibition is, but I'm betting it'd make the head of any irony-aware individual go all Scanners.

How does her Oath Keeper affiliation manifest itself? Inflammatory revolutionary teabagger rhetoric, of course!

"You know, our Founding Fathers, they put that Second Amendment in there for a good reason and that was for the people to protect themselves against a tyrannical government. And in fact Thomas Jefferson said it's good for a country to have a revolution every 20 years. I hope that's not where we're going, but, you know, if this Congress keeps going the way it is, people are really looking toward those Second Amendment remedies and saying my goodness what can we do to turn this country around? I'll tell you the first thing we need to do is take Harry Reid out."

By the way, in case you hit your head on a rock every day for the past two weeks, "Second Amendment remedies" means shooting people whose politics you disagree with. Oh, they'll say it probably won't come to that. They'll say it's a last resort. They'll cite the Founding Fathers as justification. But at the end of the day, they still want to shoot people when they lose elections.

Then there's the stuff which makes no sense whatever, even from the standpoint of the Angle worldview. Like her support for a controversial drug rehab program devised by the Church of Scientology. Who I'd have assumed would be first up against the wall when the reconstruction comes. Oh, and she's also on the "phase out Social Security as we know it" team, retreating to code words like "personalize Social Security" when called out on it.

That, by the way, is the worst fucking code word ever, and the fact that it gets any traction at all is a sign of how deeply hosed we are. If you personalize Social Security, it stops being social security, because it stops being SOCIAL. It's no longer a safety net for society, it's every man for himself, and if you don't play the game the Republican-approved way, you're a lazy leech who deserves to go hungry when you turn 70.

But I suppose, compared to the myriad other things that should disqualify Sharron Angle from dealing blackjack in a casino, much less having half a shot at becoming a United States senator, parroting Bush-era movement conservatives on the New Deal is microscopic potatoes.