Short And Sweetarded

« September 2010 »

Memo to Glenn McConnell, the Montana GOP, Christine O'Donnell, and Barack Obama: YOU ARE DUMB.

They say that brevity is the soul of wit. Then they say that brevity is the soul of twit. Then they say that good things come in small packages. Then you open the small package and find an even smaller brain inside. Nobody goes on at length this week, yet the IDIOTS still somehow manage to SAY THE DAMNDEST THINGS.

"It’s a great statement as to how far this state has come. Receive it in the spirit it was presented that evening." - South Carolina State Senator Glenn McConnell.

I really hope that's not true. Because what McConnell is trying to explain as a big sign of progress is a meeting of the National Federation of Republican Women, held at the Country Club of Charleston, with the theme of "A Southern Experience"... dressed as a Confederate navy general. Where he posed with black people dressed as slaves.

That is, collectively, quite the pile of retrograde shit. Also, politics and cosplay should never mix. The last thing we need is Representative Pikachu filibustering legislation on behalf of the good people of Viridian City. And probably denying evolution at the same time. Which reminds me.

"Evolution is a myth... Why aren't monkeys still evolving into humans?" - Christine O'Donnell, on Politically Correct in 1998.

Now, we knew that Christine O'Donnell was a creationist. We've covered that. What Bill Maher taught us this week as part of his stunt that's earning him well-deserved attention, is that she's a REALLY BAD creationist. I mean, I know that it's damning with faint praise, but the fact remains that within the vast swamp of bullshit that is the creationist argument's habitat, some arguments are better equipped for survival than others, and thrive.

And O'Donnell's argument clearly came from something she heard an evangelist say - an evangelist who himself cribbed from the Cliff's Notes of one of Ken Ham's pamphlets. It's not just a stupid argument, it's a stupid argument from someone who hasn't even bothered to put in the time and effort to properly hone their stupidity. It's lazy. She could have at least spent all the time she saved not masturbating looking up some arguments that might briefly slow down a moderately stupid person on a talk show.

"We support the clear will of the people of Montana expressed by legislation to keep homosexual acts illegal." - Party platform of the Montana Republican Party.

As slogans go, it's not really "keep hope alive", is it? This is ridiculous. If there's one state in the union where homosexual acts should not only be legal, but strongly encouraged, it's Montana. First, because what the fuck else is there to do in Montana? The population's so spread out, you might as well try to have sex with the next person you see, and in conditions like that, reducing your odds by half is madness.

And second, Montana may be the most overcompensatingly masculine state on the fucking map. It's rugged to the point of self-parody. They have a tab on their tourism site marked "experiences", which is funny to begin with in this context, and when you click on it, you know what you see? A giant picture of a country and western bar, and in the center is a manly man in a cowboy hat dancing crotch-first at his laaaaady. I shit you not. Go look. First Google hit on "Montana". Their state motto should be a mountain and the slogan "It's Not Gay When You're On Top."

"Buck up." - Barack Obama.

Fuck off.