Quote Dump, Now With Extra Dump

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Memo to Bradlee Dean, Bill McCartney, Steve King, James Inhofe, John Cook, and Ken Cuccinelli: YOU ARE DUMB.The year-end clearance continues, and even IDIOTS SAY THE DAMNDEST THINGS isn't immune. Let's get right into it.

"I said time and time again that there is a correlation between the Muslims and the homosexual agenda, and we have a couple of fools in the state of Minnesota that are putting a rope around their neck and they just don't realize it. Here, let me give it to you this way: Keith Ellison is a Muslim. Why is he so adamant about overthrowing the Constitution as it is right now? Because if you pay attention to the plow he's planting the seed. He's trying to come through with Sharee [sic] law." - Bradlee Dean, of the heretofore unknown to me Minnesota ministry You Can Run But You Can't Hide International.

This is classic "the friend of my enemy is also my enemy" reasoning, completely ignoring the fact that under the version of "Sharee" law Dean fears most, gays would be in deeper shit than just about anybody. So is Ellison supporting gay rights as a feint for a later double-plus-takeback under the auspices of the American Caliphate, or is Bradlee Dean a complete fuckwit whose thoughts are more jumbled than the metaphors that flow freely from his mouth? I know what I'd bet on.

"The Bible says the whole gospel is found in the first two commandments, and those commandments are love God and love your neighbor as yourself. What I regret is that I did not communicate that. I don't judge the gay community, and anybody who gets the impression that I do, that's just not the truth. I didn't communicate that well that day, and I regret that. I ask the forgiveness of anyone who thinks I judged them or look down on them. I don't." - Bill McCartney, Promise Keepers founder and 70-year-old former college football coach.

Learn something new every day. The Promise Keepers, the organization of manly men that tried to rebrand homophobia and misogyny as a sort of Everything Old Is New Age Again virtuous philosophy, and which filled stadiums for a few years until everyone involved got new hobbies like Tea Partying, was started by a football coach. I am retroactively unsurprised.

Anyway, the former football coach wanted to remove the "former" from that appellation, but it turns out all the stuff he said about gays being "abominations in the eyes of God" got written down and taped, and now he's apologizing to all the people who took that the "wrong" way, and are hoping the University of Colorado doesn't give this retrograde fuck a new job.

Now, I don't think that unsavory political views should keep you from getting hired for a job that isn't affected by those views. College football coach is at best a borderline case. But McCartney clearly was a raging pile of religious hatred 18 years ago, and this apology doesn't actually admit that, and dances around the issue of whether his god still wants him to hate gay people or not. So I'm not gonna weep over the fact that he didn't get the job.

"I would. I think that is a good process and I would support it." - America's Stupidest Congresscritter, Steve King.

It wouldn't be an ISTDT wrapup without a little Steve King. In this case, by the way, the process he would support is uber-wingnut Cliff Kincaid's plan to resurrect the 60's-era House Internal Security Committee to investigate the Marxist infiltration of America by President Obama. Because why the fuck not?

I'd love to see just how many ridiculous things Steve King could be made to support. Just start making shit up, attribute it to a shining light in the wingnut community, and see if he bites, either because he's too stupid to understand it or because he's so stupid he thinks it'd be awesome. Get on that, journalists.

"Gretchen, I rode my horse in that parade for 30 years and I never missed one until they changed the name. When he said that was a silly reason, I don’t think that was a silly reason at all. … But, you know, this is a bigger picture. … You know, I would expect it some other places, but not here in Oklahoma. They’re the ones to get the hit. I think there are a lot people of other faiths who wonder also, why do they always pick on the Christians?" - America's Wrongest Senator, James Inhofe, giving Fox and Friends an obligatory War on Christmas sound bite.

Inhofe is referring to a Tulsa parade that he doesn't participate in since it became a "holiday" parade instead of a "Christmas" parade. But what I want to know is, who are these other faiths wondering why the Christians are being picked on so damn much? Here's a hint, Jim - Baptists, Pentecostals, Presbyterians, and Catholics don't count as "other faiths" in this instance. And it's all those other faiths who are actually being included by the word "holiday". So fuck you and the horse you refused to ride in on.

"I want to make sure that a person I’m supporting is going to have my values. It’s not anything about Jews and whether I think their religion is right or Muslims and whether I think their religion is right... I got into politics to put Christian conservatives into office. They’re the people that do the best jobs over all." - Texas Republican mucketymuck John Cook, reinforcing just how that part of the country feels about Inhofe's "people of other faiths".

Cook, of course insists he's not prejudiced against Jews, or even the specific Jew he's trying to oust from the state House speaker's role. He does this, of course, by proclaiming that he loves Jesus, and Jesus was the best Jew ever. I would feel better about this reasoning if I wasn't convinced he really and truly believes this gives him a pass on saying Christians are better at, well, JOBS than Jews are. Also, next time he hates on Jews, he should probably try to avoid the phrase "over all". That didn't turn out so well for the last guy who did that.

"I think as a state, as a commonwealth, we have outgrown that. We have grown as a commonwealth a great deal in my lifetime. - Virginia Attorney General Ken Cuccinelli, explaining why provisions of the Voting Rights Act should no longer apply to Virginia.

COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCH! You complete me. Or, more accurately, you complete the Old Morons Reunion trifecta that makss up a healthy chunk of this quote dump. You see, Virginia has, in the past, used its every-decade redistricting to keep Whitey on top. So the Federal government keeps a close eye on them, and will again as the process goes forward any day now. And Cooch doesn't like some federal cough cough black cough Attorney General looking over his shoulder on behalf of a cough cough black cough president because Virginia has "grown".

Of course, if Virginia had "grown", Cooch wouldn't be their Attorney General in the first place. If he thinks they can be trusted to be fair and unbigoted, you'd better double the budget of whoever at Justice has to keep an eye on them this time around. Just a suggestion.